


Making Progress

by GetOutOfMyHead2122



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Dissociation, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Light BDSM, M/M, Mates, Nightmares, Pack Dynamics, Panic Attacks, Post-Nogitsune, Sleepwalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-02-02 23:25:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 36,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12736431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GetOutOfMyHead2122/pseuds/GetOutOfMyHead2122
Summary: The nogitsune is finally gone, now all that is left is Stiles and  the guilt that threatens to swallow him whole. With the help of his family, his pack and most importantly his best friend Scott, Stiles navigates his recovery the best he can.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever fanfiction I hope you enjoy it. Some characters may be ooc and there will be eventual Scott/Stiles and light bdsm, Aaso there may be some errors as I had no beta.

When he comes round the first time it’s really no more than the fluttering of his eyelids along with the knowledge that he’s being cradled in someone’s arms. He tries to keep his eyes open long enough to see what’s going on but the weight of them drags him back to unconsciousness. 

When he stumbles into consciousness again he’s ever so slightly more alert than before, he manages to open his eyes and look around, he’s laying down and his head is cradled in Lydia’s lap, she isn’t looking at him but rather off into the distance. The next thing he notices is the movement of being jostled slightly, he’s in his car he realises. He feels loopy like he’s been drugged and his body feels heavy, he doesn’t know the last time he’s felt tiredness like it. He tries to ask what’s going on but all that comes out is a garbled noise, his eyes continue to flutter threatening to close again.

“Stiles?” Lydia looks down and begins to stroke his cheek, he can’t really form a sentence or anything close to a real word at the moment so he groans and tries to stave off leaving again 

“Hey Stiles you with us?” he hears a voice from somewhere that can only be Scott, again he groans “Stiles we’re taking you to the hospital ok, we’re worried about you, how are you feeling?”

He wants to say he feels terrible, that the longer he stays awake the more he can feel just how awful he actually feels, but really if he’s honest with himself he knows if he could say anything it would be a lie to reassure his worried friends that he was ok. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to think about it as he can feel himself drifting off again, and it sounds like his friends are far away calling his name and asking him to stay with them. 

Those same gentle hands were lifting him, the ones from before, there was a breeze making its way over his face and through his hair, he groans and tries to turn away from it only to be met by a solid wall of his best friends chest. He isn’t even trying to stay awake now, he gives in to whatever is going on and only does what he can manage, which at this point in time is nothing more than being conscious. Even with his eyes closed he can recognise the blinding light of the hospital, he really wishes they hadn’t brought him here. He feels his head lolling back and onto his friend’s arm and like a child’s doll his eyes roll open with the direction of his head.

“Hey Stiles, you’re ok” Scott smiles down at him in what he assumes is meant to be reassuring, but he’s known him all of his life and he knows that behind that smile Scott is falling apart. Before he knows it he’s being placed on a gurney with Scott promising he’ll be right through when they are done examining him. He thinks now is as good a time as any to drift off again he really doesn’t want to be awake for the poking and prodding, and for once in his life his brain actually obeys him and carries him off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

This is the first time he’s felt coherent, he can actually process what is going on, he opens his eyes and sees his dad sitting in the chair next to his bed, his large hand wrapped around Stiles smaller one. His head is bowed as if praying and Stiles can only imagine for what, he lets out a small cough and then the thirst hits him, as his dad looks at him he manages to croak out “Water?” his dad snaps into action and raises a cup with a straw to his lips. He gulps down as much as he can 

“Easy Stiles small sips ok or you’ll make yourself sick” he obeys and sips until his thirst is quenched. His dad puts the cup down and grabs his hand again, he looks like he wants to cry and Stiles can’t work out why.

“What’s wrong dad?”

“Oh god… Stiles I just… I just can’t believe it’s finally really you and no one else in there” he doesn’t manage to hold back the tears that escape him, but Stiles is confused he doesn’t understand what that means and his brain feels foggy like he’s forgetting something

“What do you mean dad?” he furrows his eyebrows in confusion waiting for his dad to reply, and instantly he can tell his dad is worried with the look that passes over his face.   
Stiles thinks and he can’t remember what he’s forgotten until suddenly he does until it’s pounding against his skull screaming at him, drowning him and the barrage of images just won’t stop. Everything he did, everyone that died, everything that happened flying through his brain until his heart is hammering against his chest and he can’t breathe anymore, he grabs his hair as if he could stop the images somehow and his hold only gets tighter

“Oh…Oh god, oh god, what have I done” his breaths only get more frantic and he’s begun to rock back and forward, he can vaguely sense that someone is trying to talk to him but he’s too busy locked inside this hell of his own making. He doesn’t know when Scott got here but he’s hopping onto the bed with Stiles, he’s murmuring soothing words that are slowly lowering his heart rate and he’s stroking his arm with one hand while Stiles hand rests on Scott’s chest helping him mimic Scott’s calm measured breathing. Eventually at a snail’s pace Stiles can breathe again and his heart isn’t trying to escape his body anymore, Scott continues to talk to Stiles 

“You’re okay, you’re doing good, that’s it just keep breathing with me” he feels suddenly aware of how close Scott is, not in an uncomfortable way, in fact he really doesn’t want his friend to move.

“Are you with me Stiles?” Scott tilts his head to the side measuring his friends reaction 

“Yeah… I’m here” his voice croaks as he speaks, he notices his dad looking at him with concern and Melissa who had entered at some point with the same look plastered on her face. He doesn’t want to talk about what just happened, he doesn’t want to talk about anything that has happened since the day he willingly stepped into that ice bath. He speaks before they can bring anything up 

“So… why am I in the hospital?” he feels Scott shuffle uncomfortably 

“Well after… after we got rid of the nogitsune you collapsed, we were really worried you looked kind of…dead so we brought you straight in”

“Oh, how long do I need to be here for?” this time it’s his dad that answers

“Well you’ve been knocked out for a day already kid, the doctor said there’s no brain damage but you’re really malnourished, they are going to keep you in for 24 hours now that you’ve woken up for observation but after that we can go home kiddo” his dad finished with a sigh and a grim smile

“They are also referring you to a dietician Stiles, they’re really concerned about your weight” Mellissa adds in, he wants to argue that he doesn’t need one, that they would be skin and bones too if a nogitsune had possessed them, that it’s only natural since he really can’t remember the last time he ate considering all his demon friend ate was pain and suffering.

He doesn’t say anything though just nods his head dejectedly and scratches at the IV stuck in his hand. Unfortunately, he doesn’t realise that not saying anything about it has said more than he meant to about the state of his head at the moment and it’s this more than anything that has Scott, his dad and Melissa worried.


	3. Chapter 3

He felt trapped at the hospital and he was glad to be away from there, pulling up to the drive way in his dad’s cruiser has dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He was stupid to think that it wouldn’t be difficult to be here, he was struggling at this point to think of anywhere that would be easy for him to be at right now. Everything reminded him of everything he didn’t want to think about.

“Stiles?” he turns to notice his dad staring at him and he realises that he’s been sitting in the cruiser staring up at the house for who knows how long

“Yeah dad”

“Are you ok son?”

“Yeah dad, I just didn’t realise how tired I was” which in itself isn’t untrue but it’s not even close to being what’s wrong with him. 

“Come on then let’s get inside I’ll make us some dinner” and with that they both step out of the cruiser and head inside. Stiles heads straight into the living room and plonks himself down on the sofa, maybe he’ll just rest his eyes while he waits for a dinner that he doesn’t want. As he drifts off to sleep he wonders how long it will be before the nightmares start, because let’s be honest he knows that they’re coming, it’s really only a matter of time at this point. He knows he needs to get all the uninterrupted sleep he can right now because he knows how bad it’s going to get once it starts. He’s not really sure why it hasn’t started already, maybe it’s just the bone deep exhaustion he feels. 

“Stiles? Dinners ready” he feels his dad gently shaking his shoulder and leaning over him, he isn’t oblivious to the looks he’s been getting and he’s not surprised, he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror and he really does look awful. It doesn’t make him feel better that this look is constantly plastered to his dads face.

“Ok dad I’ll be through in sec” he reaches up to rub the tiredness away from his eyes and watches as his dad heads through to the dinner table. He pushes himself of the couch and heads for the bathroom, he locks the door behind himself and leans against it for a moment and lets out an exasperated sigh. He hasn’t had a moment alone since he woke up, it’s like everybody is terrified if they take their eyes of him for a second he’s going to have another meltdown. To be fair it’s probably true and like the nightmares it’s not really a matter of if just when it’s going to strike. 

He steps up to the sink and turns the tap, he’ll just wash his face and head through, that’s what he plans anyway but when he stops to look at his face properly for the first time he can see why everyone is worried. His cheeks are drawn in and hollow and good god has he always looked this pale he’s almost translucent. He runs his fingers under his eyes trying to wipe away the purple stains there only to realise that they aren’t stains or marks, that’s just the colour of his skin. He drops his hands to grab the sink and takes in a deep breath, he looks like he is dying, and well he kind of was wasn’t he? Before the nogit… before it was destroyed anyway. He won’t say the name; he thinks it will help him forget or move on. But he’s not going to think about that just now or anything else he’s going to wash his face and go have dinner. So that’s what he does.

“I made you curly fries kid, I hope you’re hungry” his dad smiles and Stiles can tell it’s forced, he doesn’t feel up to explaining why he’s not hungry so he just smiles back and sits down. He pops a few fries into his mouth and tries a couple of the chicken nugget things, once he’s tried his best to eat what he can he sighs and leans back rubbing his stomach. He felt sick, like he’s stuffed a full buffet down his throat, only when he looks at his plate just over a third of it is gone, he’s barely touched it. He doesn’t know how to feel about that.

“What’s wrong Stiles?” 

 

“Nothing dad I’m just full”

“You’ve hardly touched it Stiles, can you try and eat just a little bit more?” his dad looks disappointed but he really doesn’t think he’ll be able to eat anything more without vomiting 

“No dad, if I eat anymore I’m gonna throw up” his dad looks like he’s about to argue “besides the doctor said to eat what I can until I can get back to normal, it’s not gonna get better overnight”

“Okay son” his lips form a tight smile letting Stiles know that he’ll be watching him like a hawk. Usually Stiles would get up and do the dishes if his dad cooked but he really doesn’t have the energy and he really just wants to be alone right now 

“Is it ok if I head upstairs dad?” 

“Yeah, just yell if you need anything okay?”

“I’m probably just going to go to sleep, love you dad” he walks over to his dad who stands to meet him and wraps him in a hug. It feels like he never wants to let Stiles go, but he removes his arms and stands back 

“Love you to kiddo” and with that Stiles makes his way upstairs to his room.

He knows if he dwells outside his door for too long that he’ll find it impossible to go inside so as he approaches the door he doesn’t stop until he’s inside and closed the door behind himself. It’s just him now, in his room, alone. He can’t think about anything he wants to do in here, doesn’t really want to sleep since he knows the nightmares are coming, and there isn’t any big bad in town at the moment for him to focus on. 

He feels like a stranger in his own life right now, his body is nothing like it was weeks ago neither is his mind for that matter. Everything looks and feels different now but he knows nothing is, not really, it’s just him he’s the one that’s changed. Without undressing Stiles walks over to his bed and lays atop the covers. He just lays there and everything he’s tried not to think about is starting to flow through his mind without his consent.

He hasn’t told anyone, not a single person not even Scott, he’s too afraid to say it, to admit aloud to anyone that he isn’t really sure if it is just him in here. Because he knows that they would try to save him if it’s true, and he’s so tired and knows that there is no saving him from this if it isn’t gone already. He thinks about everyone that died because of him and everyone that got hurt, he really can’t take it again so if he isn’t alone he might just free himself of this nightmare and go for the big eternal rest. No one seems to realise that Stiles remembers everything that happened when he wasn’t in control, he remembers hurting innocent people and stabbing Scott but worst of all he remembers liking it and being so satisfied by the blood and terror and mayhem. 

Those thoughts are enough to send him flying through to his bathroom and before he knows it he’s hurling into the toilet. He heaves until there’s nothing coming up but bile, he brushes his teeth and rinses his mouth out. He doesn’t feel better but he feels the kind of exhaustion that allows no thoughts. He changes into a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, pulling back the covers he crawls into bed and pulls the covers over his head blocking out the world and the thoughts that come with it.


	4. Chapter 4

Scott knows it’s late, like really late but he was waiting on his mom finishing work and she wasn’t due home until 2am, and considering he has no issue protecting himself he decides to kill the last hour of waiting by going out for a run. He can’t sleep so he figures why not he runs through the woods past Derek’s old place and he finds himself near Stiles house, since he’s in the area he might as well check up on him, after all that’s his right as alpha to look after his pack. He stops outside the Stilinski residence and listens, but he can only hear the one heart beat and he can’t believe that Noah left him alone after everything that had happened. He climbs onto the roof easily until he’s outside Stiles window but as soon as he gets there he can see that the window is already wide open. He peers inside the room but he can’t see Stiles anywhere and he can’t hear him in the bathroom. Scott is starting to get worried, he climbs into the room fully and looks about as if Stiles is going to pop out from the cupboard. 

He makes a decision and leaves the bedroom and without any trepidation enters Noah’s room swiftly but the only person he can see in here is Noah. So where is Stiles? He’s definitely not in the house, does he wake Noah up and tell him or go out to find his best friend on his own. He doesn’t have to make that decision as Noah shoots up from his bed and is reaching for his gun

“Noah it’s me! It’s Scott”

“Scott?! What are you doing in here?”

“I was out for a run and I thought I would check up on Stiles but he isn’t in the house did he go out?”

Noah looks grave as he starts pulling on his shoes “No he went to bed hours ago, was fast asleep when I checked on him a while ago”

“Maybe you should stay here in case he comes back, I’ll try and follow his scent” Noah looks like he wants to argue but there isn’t really another plan right now and Scott will find him faster than the police department

“Okay call if you get him”

“Of course” Scott heads back out exactly the way he came and starts to follow his best friends scent, he’s only following it for about 10 to 15 minutes before he knows that Stiles is very close in fact he can hear his heartbeat. Knowing how close his friend is makes Scott run even faster, it isn’t until he’s looking around for Stiles that he realises he’s almost back home. 

He spots Stiles almost in front of Scott’s house and he really can’t believe that if he hadn’t gone out for his run he would have been here for his friend when he arrived without worrying his dad. He runs around Stiles so he’s in front of him and now facing him but it quickly becomes apparent that the lights are on but nobody’s home. He lets Stiles continue until he’s at the steps of his house, he knows you aren’t meant to wake a sleep walker but he needs to stop him or at least get him inside and to do anything he’s going to need to touch him. 

He thinks about the best way to do this and is surprised to see Stiles starting to move up the steps, he walks up ahead of him and is glad because Stiles foot catches on the last step and he goes flying forward. Scott catches him easily around the shoulders and feels two hands pressed against his stomach. He looks down at Stiles to see wide frantic eyes his pupils totally blown, he’s definitely awake now.

 

“Stiles are you ok?” he’s clearly not though as he drops to his knees and starts to shake 

“No no no no no” Stiles smells terrified and like guilt it’s coming off him in waves and he’s looking at his hands seeing something that Scott can’t and he’s trying to wrench himself out of Scott’s grasp. Before things get any worse Scott half carries half drags Stiles inside the house by his shoulders, he closes the door behind them with his foot not wanting to let go of his distressed friend

“Stiles what’s wrong?” he knows the only reason Stiles is standing now is because of the hold Scott has on him but he’s starting to struggle to get out of his grasp again, then his knees buckle and Scott guides the both of them onto the floor of the hall

“Stiles talk to me please” this grabs his attention and his big doe eyes are fixed on Scott now and the smell of guilt intensifies, if he didn’t know better he would think that Stiles was about to vibrate right out of skin with how hard he is shaking 

“Oh god… Scott I’m… I’m so sorry I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do it” Stiles starts sobbing now big fat tears rolling down his face

“It’s ok Stiles you’re ok” he tries to placate him but it’s not working if anything he just cries harder 

“No, no it’s not ok… I, god I stabbed you Scott and it won’t come off and I can’t… I can’t get it off Scott, do you hate me…of course you hate me, I’m sorry I’m so sorry Scott please, please I’m sorry”

“Stiles calm down for me ok, I could never hate you” he can hear Stiles heart rate rocket even higher than before and knows that he’s having a panic attack when his breaths become even more laboured.

His mom walks in at that moment startled by the scene before her and then immediately looks like she’s about to intervene but he waves her off and mouths ‘Call Noah he knows that she’ll let Noah know that Stiles is safe and with them and that Scott will call when he can to let him know what happened. 

“Come on Stiles you need to take deep breaths; can you do that for me?”

“I can’t, I can’t do it Scott… I can’t breathe” Scott moves to sit behind Stiles with his own back against the wall he pulls Stiles in close so his back is flush against Scott, he doesn’t think that Stiles could support his own weight at the moment 

“Yes you can Stiles, I know you can, you’ve done this a hundred times before”

“I can’t it’s not working” He heaves in breath after breath trying to suck down air, Scott takes his panicking friends hand in his own and can feel it being squeezed 

“Just listen to my voice, don’t think about anything else” he puts his other hand on Stiles chest and takes over exaggerated deep breaths “Can you feel me breathing?”

“Yeah”

“Good ok, try and copy the breaths I’m taking ok?”

“I ca…”

“Yes you can, you’re doing so good Stiles” his breathing slows down a little but they’re still rattling “You can do this Stiles its already working” his heart rate drops a little “In and out with me buddy you’re doing great” this goes on for another 15 minutes until his breathing has evened out and all that’s left it the constant shaking that he can’t seem to stop. 

“Stiles, do you think we could move into the living room?” Scott hates seeing his friend like this, he looks so broken 

“Ok” Stiles tries to stand but he’s still shaking so god damned hard that it’s impossible and he just collapses back onto Scott “I don’t think I can stand Scott” and he sounds as embarrassed as he feels 

“It’s ok I got you” and Scott rises from behind him and then bends down to scoop Stiles up in his arms he weighs nothing so it’s really no struggle at all, he doesn’t expect the way that Stiles curls into him and he figures it’s probably to hide away from his mom. He approaches the sofa and gently puts his friend down who immediately wraps his arms around his stomach, he bends forward like he’s trying to stop himself from falling apart 

“I’ll be back in a sec I’m just gonna get you some water Stiles, do you need anything else?”

“No thank you” he replies sounding so weary and worn down, Scott heads through to the kitchen and grabs a glass, then he thinks better of it and grabs a sports bottle since he knows Stiles is still shaking so bad that he’s probably spill a glass all over himself.

“What’s going on honey?”

“I don’t know mom, I’m pretty sure he was sleep walking”

“Are you sure that…”

“Yes” she doesn’t need to finish the sentence he knows that the nogitsune is gone he watched it himself

“Ok, you better call Noah and tell him what happened he’s pretty worried” she hands him the phone and he hits redial

“Scott?”

“Yeah it’s me”

“What happened?”

“I think he was sleep walking; he was having a nightmare or a hallucination or something he was freaking out pretty bad”

“Is he ok?”

“He’s more exhausted than anything right now”

“Ok I’ll come and get him”

“I think it would be better if he just stayed here tonight, I don’t think he’s up for moving about just now”

“Ok look after him and just call if you need anything Scott or if anything changes”

“Of course Noah, I’ll see you tomorrow goodnight”

“Goodnight Scott” and with that he puts down the phone and goes back through to Stiles who hasn’t moved an inch.


	5. Chapter 5

“Stiles? Here’s your water” Stiles looks up and has a difficult time unwrapping his arms from his torso but he eventually manages and takes the bottle with shaking hands, he forces in little sips at a time 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he really doesn’t but he can’t blame Scott for asking

“No”

“Is there anything I can do?” he wishes there was and he knows that it’s going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better, if it ever does at all

“No, can I just lay down Scott”

“Of course” Scott gets up as if to move 

“Would you just… could you stay with me Scott?” Scott smiles at him as if he is so proud that Stiles would ask for what he needs and he sits so Stiles can rest his head in his lap.

“Sure thing” that’s all the encouragement Stiles needs and he’s gently shaking himself down onto Scott’s lap

“Thanks” he whispers as he curls in on himself again, he feels Scott’s hand rub soothingly over his arm and he thinks he could almost fall asleep like this knowing he was safe with Scott and that he wouldn’t let Stiles hurt anyone. He knows that he won’t get back to sleep tonight not with the images that dance in front of his eyes, so he settles for laying staring into space, and for continuing to shake but also for being held and comforted, even though he doesn’t deserve it.

Melissa’s heart melts at the sight before her, Scott is holding on to Stiles with his head lolling back on the sofa in sleep, she quietly moves round the couch to drape a blanket over the two of them. She is startled when she moves to put the blanket over Stiles to notice that his eyes are still wide open, she crouches down to his level

“Stiles honey are you ok?”

“Yeah, I just can’t sleep after… after my dream” she gently places the blanket over him anyway knowing he must be cold

“Do you want me to move Scott?”

“No!” he nearly yells out managing to contain it to a whisper scream, he continues “Don’t do that I’m fine, he needs the sleep anyway”

“And what about you?”

“I won’t sleep anywhere here’s as good a place as any to do that” he smirks

“I’ll put the tv on for you then” she does and then hands him the remote “You wake Scott or me if you need anything alright Stilinski?!” 

“Yes mam” he smirks; he really likes the way she always tries to look after him it reminds him of his mom.

True to his word he doesn’t sleep one wink the rest of the night, he watched a load of garbage tv and quickly switches it off when he thinks Scott might be waking up. 20 minutes pass before Scott is starting to wriggle about getting uncomfortable from having woken up and not being able to move. He decides now is a good time to ‘wake up’ so he stretches as sits up, he’s met by Scott’s smiling face

“Morning Stiles”

“Morning Scotty” Scott looks like he’s about to ask if he’s feeling better after last night and he can’t lie to him (only because Scott can hear the flutter of his heart when he does) so he speaks before Scott has a chance to “Listen Scott, about last night can we just pretend that it didn’t happen ok? And we can just chalk that up to me missing my ADD meds for like the last month”

Scott looks disappointed with him but replies anyway “If that’s what you want Stiles” bringing attention to the fact that Scott didn’t want to sweep this under the rug because he can see something isn’t right with Stiles

“Yeah it is”

“Ok, I’m gonna go make us some breakfast any requests?”

“Nah I’m not hungry”

“Well you’re eating so…”

“Fine whatever you’re having” Stiles huffs out he can see this getting real old real fast.


	6. Chapter 6

The start of the school week is fast approaching and Stiles is torn between taking his dad up on his offer to stay home for the week or head back to school. On the one hand he really doesn’t want to be at school at all, he doesn’t want to try and focus on the course work that he can already do and then some. He also doesn’t want to be at the place where so much has went down, never mind that the sleep deprivation is starting to hit him and the panic attacks are becoming more frequent. He thinks back to two nights ago when he ended up at Scott’s during the middle of the night and he couldn’t bring himself to get into his bed and try and sleep any night after that. So there are the wonderful reasons he should stay home he thinks, but on the other hand if he stays home so will his dad and he’ll be watching him like a hawk like he has done since he got home, he hovers over him trying to get him to eat more and to take his meds and he won’t leave him alone for more than half an hour at a time. He appreciates that his dad is worried but it’s really making it difficult to hide how horribly he’s broken right now, he doesn’t want to add more to his dad’s plate, doesn’t want him to have a heart attack. He guesses that he’s made up his mind and tells his dad that he’ll be returning to school tomorrow. At least when school finishes his dad will most likely be at work and he can be alone then.

He’s found himself nodding off at odd moments here and there and guesses that’s to be expected when he’s actively avoiding sleep, he doesn’t want his dad or Scott or Melissa to worry if he takes a night time stroll again and the only way he can think to prevent that is to not sleep. His body is starting to ache though and he’s unreasonably cold, he thinks maybe he should climb under the covers to warm up since his sweat pants and thermal shirt aren’t doing the job. He brings the book he’s been working his way through with him and props his pillows up behind him, there is no way he is falling asleep.

_He couldn’t believe school had come around so quickly he thought he would have more time to get used to the idea. But something doesn’t feel right, he walks down the empty halls, where is everyone? “Hello?” he feels scared but he’s not sure of what “Stiles?” he turns around and he can’t understand why Allison who is dead is standing before him calling his name_

_“Allison what are you doing here?”_

_“Why did you make them kill me Stiles, why did you do it?” he gawps at her guilt quickly rising_

_“I couldn’t stop him Allison he was stronger than me I’m so sorry”_

_“You’re nothing but a monster Stiles” “I know I’m sorry” and suddenly she’s on top of him hitting him and screaming at him that he’s a monster and then he’s screaming._

_He shoots up in bed breathing hard “Oh god” his breaths are so ragged right now “It was a dream Stiles ok just a dream” he notices his door open a creak and something vile settles in his stomach and a million horrifying little voices start to whisper “When is a door not a door Stiles?” he is convinced his heart is going to break through his ribs now, he looks down and starts to count his fingers, he thinks he’s having a heart attack, he has eleven fingers and suddenly the whispers are screams “WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR STILES?” and all he can do is scream back at the voices, no words just raw terrified screams_

Noah had heard the yelling start from downstairs and had started running upstairs but as he reached his son’s room and burst through the door Stiles was sitting slightly hunched forward and had started screaming his lungs out. Noah leaps on to the bed to shake the kid awake but he just keeps screaming

“Stiles please wake up kid” he yells, he even shakes him but he just keeps screaming and then he starts thrashing about in Noah’s grip and he’s really worried that his son is going to hurt himself so he throws his arms around him from behind to control the thrashing and the screaming won’t stop

“STILES?!” he yells at the top of his lungs so Stiles can hear him over his own screaming but nothing is working and Noah doesn’t know what to do, there isn’t anything he can do at this point, he has to wait it out. He continues to speak, yell and cry Stiles name still hoping that it will get through to him.

After an eternity passes the screaming and thrashing stops abruptly and he thinks the kid has passed out, that is until the most pitiful sobs start to wrack his sons figure “Stiles are you awake son” he receives no reply just more heart wrenching noises, so he pulls his little boy in closer and lets him turn in his grasp so he can press his face to his dad’s chest.

Stiles grabs onto his dad’s t-shirt with both hands and makes fists, Noah kisses the top of his head and lets Stiles cry himself dry. Once the crying has stopped he waits a little while longer before he tries again “Stiles?” he gets no reply and thinks that maybe he has fallen back asleep, so he shuffles off the bed manoeuvring Stiles so he can lay him down. Once he’s got Stiles laying down though he can see that his son isn’t sleeping at all just staring vacantly off into space “Stiles are you ok?” still no reply

“Come on kiddo you’ve got me really worried here” he gets no reply but Stiles eyes flicker in his direction and he’s ashamed to admit that the dead stare in his son’s eyes scare him. He’s not sure what his next move is right now, he pulls out his phone and considers calling Melissa would she be able to help? He figures it can’t hurt to call and see so he dials her number and waits continuing to shoot worried glances to his son

“Noah what’s wrong?”

“Hi Mel, look I’m sorry to call you in the middle of the night but I don’t know what to do”

“No that’s ok is everything alright?”

“Not really” he sighs

“What happened?” Melissa is starting to worry, so Noah launches into the story about the night terror, the screaming and the sobbing and finishes off by explaining that Stiles is just lying there catatonic right now completely unresponsive

“Oh Noah, do you want me to come over and check him out?”

“No, it’s ok I just don’t know what my next move is here”

“Well let me know if you change your mind and I’ll come straight over, did this happen with the night terrors before?” she quizzed

“No he would scream himself awake but after a few minutes of calling his name he would be responding; he’s never done this before”

“It might just be that he’s exhausted how long did the episode last?”

“What the screaming?”

“Yeah”

“I don’t actually know it went on for a really long time it sounded physically painful”

“Wouldn’t you be exhausted after that? He might just be so worn out that he physically can’t move especially since he hasn’t really been eating and I’ll bet this is the first night of sleep he’s gotten since he ended up here a few nights ago”

“I know; god how did we end up here Mel”

“I really don’t know Noah, remember the good old days where our biggest worry was them following you out on cases” he lets out a dark chuckle

“Yeah what I’d give huh”

“Tell me about it” silence rings over the call not uncomfortable but certainly thoughtful, Melissa breaks the quiet

“You should try and get him to drink some water his throat is probably on fire”

“I will, thanks again Melissa you’re a good friend”

“Right back at you Noah” and with that they say their goodbyes and Noah goes off to get some water and a straw for Stiles. He manages to get Stiles to sip at the water but not to move or speak for another couple of hours.

When he eventually does move he shakily makes his way to his bathroom and emerges a few minutes later, anticipating what his dad was about to say he manages to croak out “Can we not do this right now? I just want to be alone” and he looks so small as he says it that Noah doesn’t want to argue and hurt his son more that he is hurting already so he nods his lips in tight line and leaves the bedroom.

Noah thought that once the nogitsune had been destroyed that things would get better, the night terrors, the panic attacks, the starvation, the hallucinations and the sleep deprivation would be a thing of the past. He wasn’t prepared for things to stay the same, that’s not how it was supposed to go.


	7. Chapter 7

He’s leaving for school a short while after the night’s fun filled events, his dad doesn’t try to make him talk about it which he is so thankful about because he’s not sure he could without either having a panic attack or bursting into tears. So they say goodbye and Stiles heads out the door and into his jeep, he sits breathing deep and white knuckling it against the steering wheel when his phone rings and makes him jump

“Hey can you pick me up the bike won’t start”

“What did you do to that piece of junk Scott?”

“Nothing I swear; it just didn’t like some of the less than friendly terrain I took it on”

“Whatever see you soon asshole”

“Aww but I’m your asshole buddy”

“That’s so creepy Scott” and then he hangs up, he gets the feeling he’s being set up by his dad so he isn’t left alone for too long because he knows that Scott cares for that bike like he does his jeep. He really can’t be bothered to call him on it, he just wants to muddle through the day and be alone as much as possible.

A short while later he’s pulling up to the school after an unusually quiet ride with Scott, he knows he can’t linger in the jeep or Scott’s going to ask him what’s wrong and Stiles thinks if he tries to answer he’ll just completely break down. So he grabs his bag hops out the jeep and waits for Scott to do the same before locking it and heading into school.

Scott sticks so close by him until lunch that it looks like Stiles has hired private security but he can’t bring himself to reprimand Scott for it because it’s a mix of being worried about Stiles and this is his way of coping with everything he thinks. He doesn’t want to be selfish because come on he’s not the only one suffering or in pain right now, he knows his alpha wants to make sure he’s safe and if Stiles pretends that he doesn’t notice the updates Scott keeps sending to his dad then that’s nobody’s business but his.       

The day drags on like crazy and god Stiles is just so exhausted he can feel his eyes flutter close through the day before he jerks awake suddenly, falling asleep in school is not a good idea. Thankfully he only has one class left to go Econ with coach, Scott sits beside him as usual and he can see Lydia near the front, she’s been shooting him concerned smiles all day.

Coach starts to drone on and before he can stop himself he can feel his eyelids closing and he’s nodding off.

  _“Everyone has it but no one can lose it, what is it Stiles?”_ _he can feel the Nogitsune breathing down his neck_

_“Please leave me alone, I can’t do this anymore”_

_“EVERYONE HAS IT BUT NO ONE CAN LOSE IT STILES WHAT IS IT” the nogitsune is screaming in his ear and his desk, the class hell the whole building is shaking with the vibration of it. It’s going to tear him apart and it’s still breathing down his neck he screams and jumps when he feels it’s hand thump down on his shoulder_

“Stilinski?” he’s looking up at coach from the ground from what he can gather he threw himself out of his seat in order to get away from the hand he thought belonged to his demon friend. Everyone is looking at him and he can feel the panic attack coming on so he pushes himself of the ground ignoring Scott’s calls and runs out of the room as fast as his legs will allow.

He’s not consciously aware of running to the boys’ bathroom but that’s where he ends up, he crashes into the wall of one of the stalls, he tries to keep himself upright he sounds like he has something rattling around in his ribcage. He stumbles forward and grabs hold of the sink, he thinks he’s going to blow chunks, he hears the bathroom door crash open followed by a frantic Scott

“Stiles! What’s wrong” he doesn’t want to deal with Scott right now he can’t get the feeling of the putrid breath on his neck to go away and at the thought of it he shivers violently, he feels Scott gently grab his shoulder but that was the wrong thing to do Stiles throws himself away from the touch only being able to feel the mangled bandaged hand there

“Don’t touch me” Stiles screams and Scott flounders as his friend slides down the wall breathing hard

“I’m sorry, you’re gonna be ok Stiles” he crouches down so he’s at eye level with Stiles “Just try and breathe ok” Stiles eyes flicker to him “You’re not dreaming you’re awake, do you need to count fingers?” Scott is dumbfounded when Stiles starts to laugh it’s actually kind of eerie

“I know I’m not dreaming, I’m messed up right now and I don’t think I could dream the twisted stuff that has been going on in my head” he knew he wasn’t making sense but nothing did anymore

“What kind of stuff?” Stiles shakes his head trying to think of the right way to say it

“I… I didn’t think it was really gone Scott, the…” he stutters over the word “Nogitsune I mean and I didn’t want to say anything because I was so scared but then I felt bad that it was gone that this mess that’s left behind is all me I’m the monster and it’s so twisted” Scott interrupts

“It’s gone for good Stiles I promise”

“What right do I have to be falling apart after everything that happened” the next words are spoken so quietly Scott’s glad for his werewolf hearing “Everything that happened was my fault” and a dam breaks in Stiles, he can’t stop the tears. Scott can’t think what to say, he doesn’t care if Stiles doesn’t want to be touched he can’t watch his best friend falling apart so he pulls him into his lap and lets him cry it out

“You know I love you right Stiles?” because what else can he say, he knows that Stiles won’t believe him when he says it’s not his fault because he’s stubborn like that he always has been

“Yeah but you’re dumb” he tries to lighten the mood but Scott sees through him and knows that Stiles really believes that Scott is just too stupid to see what he’s really like to know that he shouldn’t love him. Scott can take a lot of crap in life, he’s resilient and he really has had a lot happen to him, but he absolutely cannot take his best friend in the whole world thinking he isn’t worthy of being loved. He turns Stiles in his grip and doesn’t let go, Stiles only has one place to look now and that’s right into Scott’s face

“Hey you listen here and you listen good Stilinski, I know I’m dumb and I know I’m way to trusting and I know that I have made so many mistakes that we could talk about until the sun goes down, but you are not one of them Stiles not now and not ever, you keep me human and you are the most amazing person I have ever met so don’t tell me that someone I love isn’t worth it because I’m not that dumb Stiles” he finishes his little speech and sets his mouth in a don’t argue with me line.

“ok” because what could Stiles say to that really, he was touched by Scott’s passion but he just couldn’t see what was so loveable about him. Especially now he was damaged goods.

“I’ll drive you home Stiles, you look exhausted”

“Thanks Scott” he wants to argue but really what’s the point he’ll lose anyway and he does feel awful he probably couldn’t keep a hold of the wheel. He can’t even keep a hold of his mind.


	8. Chapter 8

When they arrive back at Stiles house he assumes that Scott will go to work or go home, he doesn’t expect him to grab all of his school stuff (plus all of Stiles) and head into the house hovering beside Stiles the whole way.

“Gonna make us a snack Stiles, what do you want?” he notices not for the first time that people aren’t asking him IF he wants anything just what he will take while they monitor what he eats. It’s starting to grate on him, he’s a big boy and can eat when he’s hungry… or when he feels like he’s about to pass out.

“Anything, not like I have a choice” he mumbles the last part but due to wolfy hearing he receives a reprimanding look from Scott.

Stiles is watched like a hawk until he eats his half of the sandwich plus some chips, he feels sick, again. He wonders idly if this constant nausea when he eats will ever go away, he just wants to vomit but he knows that will make everyone worry. Instead he tells Scott that he is going to lay down on the sofa for a while, Scott nods and takes out some homework to work on at the table.

Stiles is wrecked, he feels like someone has attached iron weights to his eyelids it really is a struggle to keep them open.

“Hey Scott?”

“Yeah is everything ok?” his whole body is alert, ready to act

“Yeah…um… I was gonna try and get some shut eye do you think…” he was struggling to ask the question

“Yeah?” Scott urges him on

“Could you maybe listen out and wake me up if I… you know”

“Of course Stiles, go to sleep I’ll watch over you” Stiles raises an eyebrow “In a non-creepy way” he smiles

“Thanks Scott” as soon as he closes his eyes he’s out.

 

He gets a solid four hours before he hears his dad and Scott talking in the kitchen, for once it’s not about him. He cracks his eyes open and gently pushes himself up until he is fully sitting. The pair in the kitchen look over at him and smile, he tries to return the gesture but a huge yawn escapes instead.

“Hey kid why don’t you go back to sleep” his dad tries to coax

“Nah, isn’t it about time for you to force feed me anyway” and wow Stiles wasn’t expecting the attitude that spilled out of his mouth. He can see that Scott and his dad are as shocked by that as he is

“Sorry, don’t know why I said that”

“It’s fine son I know you’re tired and you’re right anyway come on dinner is ready” he smiles apologetically back at his dad and forces himself to the table.

He sits next to Scott and starts eating his pasta and chicken, every mouthful is a gruelling task, and he feels really sick. He stops and puts his fork down and then lets out a sigh, his dad is watching him closely. He wonders if he just sits that they both might forget and let him leave what’s left on the plate.

“Stiles you’ve only had three bites, come on son eat a bit more” three bites that can’t be right he feels like he’s been eating for an eternity

“Dad I’m full I’ve had enough” it’s Scott that replies this time

“Stiles can you try just even one or two more bites; you’ve hardly eaten today at all” he groans but picks up the fork and shovels another two forkfuls into his mouth. He knew it was a bad idea because within seconds he can feel the food clawing its way back up his throat, he runs to the empty sink and starts to heave all of the food up. His dad and Scott are at his side instantly rubbing his back and exchanging worried glances. He keeps retching and his chest is on fire with the force of it, slowly it comes to a stop and he feels empty. He takes a deep breath, then another and he tries to push away from the sink to find that his arms and legs are jelly and he crumples in on himself only to be caught by Scott.

“Whoa Stiles, you ok?” he asks as Scott basically carries him to the sofa, Stiles really can’t hold his own weight at the moment

“Yeah, I just felt really full and sick” he pants a little “I feel better now” he knows how those words will be received as he wipes the sweat from his brow with shaking hands. His dad sighs and shakes his head at Stiles

“Stiles it’s been a week now and your eating isn’t getting any better, I’m going to make an appointment with the doctor” he can tell that his dad is trying to pull rank here so that he doesn’t encounter any argument. What his dad doesn’t expect is the way Stiles just nods his head in defeat, after all he’s put his dad through he can go to the doctors and do all the physical stuff if it puts his mind at ease. He will do anything to avoid talking, which everybody seems to want him to do.


	9. Chapter 9

A few days had passed since the first vomiting incident and although he had hoped it wouldn’t happen again; it did every time he tried to eat. He honestly wasn’t that bothered by it, if he was being truthful with himself he couldn’t care less about what his body was doing when his mind seemed to be all over the place.

His panic attacks were becoming a daily occurrence, sometimes he knew when they were about to hit, could see what had triggered them, but other times it would be a gentle breeze caressing his neck and wasn’t that the most pathetic thing ever.

Sleeping was, well he didn’t really know what to think about that sometimes it was a hit or a miss. He would sleep or he wouldn’t and it was usually when he was so exhausted he physically couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. On the occasions he could fall hard into sleep it was a game of chance whether the nightmares were going to come or not. He would awake anytime they had struck his voice hoarse from screaming and his dads arms around him stroking his hair and trying to soothe him.

He knew as much as he tried to ignore it that it would only be a matter of time before his dad insisted they talk about his mental state. They are in the car on the way to the doctors when it happens.

“Stiles we need to talk son” his dad glances at him from his side of the car

“Do we?” he knew what was coming his heart rate picks up

“Is that a joke? Do you really not know what we need to talk about” he kept shooting looks at Stiles in between keeping his eyes on the road

“I know what you want to talk about dad I’m not an idiot I just… don’t see how you think talking about it is going to do anything” he huffs out staring vacantly off into the distance

“And pretending there’s nothing wrong is better?!” He asks incredulously

“yes” he replies quietly “why do you want me to relive it all, I don’t want to think about any of it” he sounds so small he knows that but it’s how he feels

“I don’t want you to relive it Stiles but you’re doing that all on your own already. Do you think I don’t know what the panic attacks are about? what the nightmares are about? Why you can’t sleep or look anyone in the eye. Dammit Stiles I’m your dad I know you, I can see what’s going on, you need help son” his dad is close to tears and that scares Stile more than he would like to admit, his dad parks the car and plays with the keys waiting on Stiles to reply

“I don’t want help; I want to deal with it on my own” his voice is thick as he tries to speak over the lump in his throat

“Stiles you can’t fix this on your own son, it’s too big, it’s consuming you I can see it, I don’t want you to lose who you are or what you have” and suddenly rage springs forth from Stiles and he has no idea where it’s coming from but he’s screaming as loud as he can

“HE ALREADY TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! THERES NOTHING LEFT OK THERES NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. IM ALREADY BROKEN AND YOU CAN’T FIX ME” he punches the dashboard four or five times and starts sobbing “He took everything…” he gasps in more breaths “I’m a monster why don’t you hate me” he continues to cry gasping on air.

Noah is so taken aback by this of all the things he was expecting his son to say or do this wasn’t one of them, it takes a second for his brain to catch up before he leaps into action. He pulls his son into his arms and holds him tight “You’re not a monster Stiles, you’re not broken. You just need some help, please let me help you, I love you son” Noah is speaking through his own tears, they sit there until Stiles stops crying. A long time later Stiles is breathing normal and has stopped shaking, his dad lets him go so he can wipe his face and collect himself.

“I’m sorry dad, I don’t know where that came from” he tries to smile but it doesn’t quite work, Noah thinks about pushing the subject now but thinks better of it and settles on picking this up when they get home.

“You don’t ever need to be sorry about needing help Stiles, come on let’s go in we’ll talk more when we get home” he wasn’t thrilled about the idea of talking more once they got home but he knew his dad wouldn’t drop this. So they head in to the doctors to see what they would make of Stiles.


	10. Chapter 10

He stood outside of the doctor’s office just mulling over what she had said before he had to go back to the waiting room to his dad. Her words played over in his head like a recording

_“I see that’s quite a lot of symptoms you seem to be having it must be difficult?” she smiled sadly at him_

_“Yeah it’s an amusement park of fun” sarcasm his old friend_

_“Ok Stiles, well looking over all the symptoms you wrote down and given what your father told me on the phone including your recent hospital visit, I think you are under a great deal of stress right now but I suspect that you might be suffering PTSD do you know what that is?”_

_“Yeah it’s what happens to soldiers and stuff”_

_“Well that’s partly right, it happens when a person goes through any kind of trauma, it’s the minds way of coping”_

_“Oh, but I can’t have that” his brow furrowed, he guessed you could class being possessed and having no control over your own body as traumatic_

_“You are displaying a lot of the symptoms and I’d be very surprised if I was wrong, I’ll check your blood work and we will increase your anxiety meds along with the sleeping pills we talked about, I think what’s happening with your eating is a response to the extreme stress you’ve been feeling so hopefully the medication will make a difference I’ll give you some anti sickness tablets to take before eating when you need it but I think you should consider meeting with a therapist Stiles I think it could really help you out, other than that come back in a few weeks and we’ll check in on how things are progressing ok?” she finished reassuringly_

_He was so overwhelmed so he just nodded and got up there was no way he was going to let his dad know what she had recommended apart from the medication_

They drove back to the house in silence after they had collected Stiles new medication, he had gotten an increase on his anti-anxiety meds, a sleeping tablet to take only when it was getting really bad and some anti-sickness tabs to take before eating.  John was hopeful that an increase in his son’s meds would make the world of difference and that the anti-sickness medication would help Stiles to eat a full meal, he hoped it would mean that Stiles would start putting on weight.

When they got back to the house Stiles told his dad that he was going to go for a walk to clear his head. He knew being out of his dad’s sight made the old man worry but he just wanted to be on his own and think about things which was new for him.


	11. Chapter 11

Realistically what were his options? He could tell his dad that his doctor had recommended a therapist which his dad would then insist that he went to, which would cause his dad even more debt than he was already in. As well as that he wouldn’t even be able to talk to a therapist without being committed to a mental facility, he was pretty sure that admitting to possession by an evil spirit got you a one-way ticket to Eichen House and he couldn’t relive that. So his other option was to say nothing, that would mean no therapy and just living with the knowledge that he had ptsd, only the thing was he knew that it wasn’t something that just disappeared and could potentially get progressively worse as time went on.

His feet had taken him into the woods as he thought about what he should do, he doesn’t want to talk about stuff he really doesn’t think it’s going to help but it helps other people right? Maybe he could try talking to Scott? No he wouldn’t want to hear how Stiles felt after murdering the love of his life. He couldn’t talk to his dad about it, he didn’t feel like his dad would understand what he was saying at all being so new to the supernatural. Who did that leave then? A big fat nobody.

It felt like all of a sudden darkness had descended all at once but the truth was that he had been walking in the woods for hours thinking and just hadn’t noticed the night creeping in. He pulls out his phone to check the time, he has been gone for four hours and has fourteen missed phone calls from his dad and a bunch of texts. He starts dialling his dads number when he hears something running towards him and is relieved to see it’s Scott.

“Stiles?! Where have you been?”

“Just out for a walk Scott, I lost track of time”

“You need to call your dad he’s freaking out right now”

“Already on it Scotty” he finishes dialling the number an isn’t surprised when the phone is answered on the first ring

“Stiles are you ok”

“Yeah dad I’m fine, sorry for being gone so long I lost track of time and didn’t realise it was so late”

“Ok son, is Scott with you?”

“Yeah he just got here dad”

“Ok come home Stiles”

“Heading home now dad see you soon” and with that he hung up the phone. He looks over at Scott who has taken keys out of his pocket and is currently playing with them “I take it you brought Roscoe?”

“Yeah I parked as close to where we are as I could, It’ll be about a thirty-minute walk back to the jeep” he smiles at Stiles and nods in the direction they need to start walking, so they do and it’s silent for a whole five minutes before Scott can’t help himself from asking “So what have you been doing out here?”

“I needed some space to think Scott I’m sure you know how closely everybody is watching me” he says it matter of fact with no judgement

“Ok I get that, what were you thinking about?” Scott chews his lip in anticipation of a response

“If I asked you not to say anything to my dad would you do that Scott?” Stiles narrows his eyes in scepticism

“I want to say yes but if it’s something… if it’s something that is… I actually don’t know what I’m trying to say here umm if you were hurt I would probably tell him or of you needed help or something I guess I would have to hear it to decide” he clearly wants to know what Stiles has to say but Scott being Scott needs to be honest and that means a lot to Stiles

“I’m not in any kind of trouble Scott, I just want this decision to be mine ya know? I don’t want my dad to take it away from me, the decision I mean”

“How about you tell me and if I think I need to tell your dad we talk about it first before I do anything?” he raises one eyebrow in question

“Yeah ok, when I was at the doctors today she said that she thinks I have ptsd and that it would probably be really helpful for me to meet with a therapist”

“Wow that’s big Stiles, so what’s the decision?”

“I don’t know if I want to go or not I mean there are a lot of downsides if I was to go and the only upside really is that it might somehow help me but I think that it’s a big risk for no guarantee of things getting better”

“It sounds like you already know you don’t want to go”

“Yeah… well no I don’t know, I know that things are pretty terrible now but they could get so much worse and I don’t know if I’m being dumb not trying something that could potentially help me get even a little bit better”

“What’s the other option?” Scott purses his lips and Stiles can tell that he is seriously considering the options to offer maximum help to his friend

“I mean the only other thing I can think of is to do nothing and just see how it goes? I don’t know if I can talk to anyone about this Scott it’s just so… fucked up”

“I get why you wouldn’t want to talk to people about it, and I know you already know this man but you can talk to me about whatever whenever you need to, I mean I might not understand but I can listen” and Stiles really doesn’t know what to say to that he’s touched that Scott would listen to anything he had to say and he understands that Scott really does mean anything no matter how horrendous

“Thanks, so… you gonna tell my dad?” He smirks at Scott

“I want to, your dad just wants what’s best for you Stiles but no I won’t say anything, just keep me in the loop ok?”

“I will”

“Can I ask you for a favour Stiles?” after everything they’ve been through and everything that Scott has done for him he knows whatever it is Stiles is going to give it to him

“Yeah”

“Would you promise me that when things are getting too much that you’ll ask for what you need? That if you need me day or night you’ll let me know?”

“I can do that Scott; I promise” they throw one arm each over the other in a semi-hug as they near the jeep Stiles feels a little bit better after talking with Scott he feels lighter somehow.


	12. Chapter 12

He’s been struggling for a while now, it’s been a few weeks since he had the doctors with his dad and although his eating has improved a lot and he’s started to put on weight he’s still not where he should be for his height. His medication for his anxiety has helped him out to a point but he can’t deny the fact that his broken mind is something pills will never be able to fix. He only took the sleeping tablets twice and ended up feeling more exhausted than on the nights where he couldn’t sleep at all, not to mention he wasn’t able to wake up from his nightmares he was trapped until his dad shook him awake. It was safe to say the day John woke up Stiles and his son immediately jumped into his arms he was confused, Stiles hadn’t spoken just shook and choked on his sobs. 

Stiles sits at the table eating his breakfast and musing over the fact that from his dad’s perspective it looks like things are getting better. In ways they are and he should feel glad about that but all Stiles can feel is, well he doesn’t really have a name for it, he knows it’s constant it feels like a sinking in his stomach, it feels like noise in his head all day and night, it feels like lies since he is trying even harder than before to hide how he is feeling.

What Stiles really wants is peace from his mind and all the feelings making their way around his body and soul like a hurricane. He wants to feel something different or nothing at all, he wants to stop feeling like he has a million decisions a day to make, he just wants things to be simple. He continues to ingest dangerous amounts of coffee and his pancakes.

“Morning son” his dad smiles as he makes a beeline for the pot of coffee

“Hey dad” he smiles back “I’m gonna head out now I’ll see you after school ok”

“Ok love you” he yells over his shoulder and Stiles yells the same back as he closes the front door on his way out.

He pulls into the parking lot of the school and turns of Roscoe’s engine, Scott had asked him to promise to say if he needed something and well, Stiles had thought of something he needed. The only problem was that he didn’t know if Scott would go for it or not, one night after a particularly savage nightmare (he wasn’t able to sleep walk out of the house anymore after the sheriff added more security measures) when he woke he was terrified of course but also unreasonably angry and started punching the wall he punched it until he felt his knuckles almost giving way until they bled, it felt like he was punishing himself for what he had done in his dream and for what he’d done in real life. Then the strangest thing happened he was consumed by how much his hand hurt, it was literally all he could think about there was no space for anything else in his mind. After a little while the pain had dulled and he felt content and for the first time after a nightmare he drifted off easily back to sleep, he felt like he had paid some penance.

Thinking about what he was going to ask Scott to do was making him nervous, would it make his best friend mad? Would he run off and tell his dad that he was crazy? If he hadn’t promised to tell Scott when he needed something he would leave him very far out of this.

What he wants is for Scott to hit him, he wants to feel pain, he wants pain that will overload his senses and short circuit his brain, he wants to feel like he’s paying for what he’s done. Surely that wouldn’t be a lot to ask from him it would be just like getting in a fight. Stiles knows that left to his own devices he would probably go too far and seriously injure himself, all he wants is to find a way of coping that works. He has been doing little experiments since then and he knows this is what he needs.

The urge to chicken out is strong but Stiles knows within himself that if he doesn’t get what he needs he is going to find more dangerous ways to get it, he needs someone he can trust to do enough to help but keep him safe at the same time, he needs Scott. When he spots Scott parking his bike at the front of the school he huffs in a big breath and jogs over to his friend.

“Hey Scott” he smiles nervously at him and then continues on “So do you wanna hang out after school today I kinda have something I want to talk to you about?”

“Sure what do you want to do?” Scott doesn’t even consider if he is free he just hears that Stiles wants to talk so anything else that he may or may not have to do is forgotten about

“I thought we could grab some burgers and then go for a walk around the reservation?”

“Sounds good man” Scott smiles lopsided as usual at Stiles, they both head in to class, one of them will spend the whole day thinking about what might be said to them and the other one will spend the day thinking about how to say something to their friend but neither of them lets this show.


	13. Chapter 13

All in all, Stiles thinks the talk went ok, there was a lot of confusion around what he was asking Scott to do. The first thing that Scott asks is if this is a sex thing, and Stiles is curious that Scott wonders this but seems willing anyway? He clarified for Scott that it wasn’t he just needs to switch off for a bit and he really thinks that this is going to work. So Scott had agreed to help him out but he wanted to research what kind of things he should do so he asked Stiles for a week to prepare himself.

Now Stiles is anxiously awaiting his best friend in his bedroom, his dad is on the night shift tonight and had not long left.

Stiles knew that the first thing Scott would find in his ‘research’ would be BDSM, so it would be no surprise to him if that’s the route they go down. As he sat on his bed waiting, he thought about how weird it was that this wasn’t weird, he was potentially going to be embarking on a new kind of relationship with his best friend and all he could think was that this felt right, Scott had always taken care of him and vice versa so it felt right that Scott would take care of this for him.

He hears Scott land on the carpet of his bedroom and rises to greet him

“Hey” they stand awkwardly just for a moment before they hug

“Hey” Scott replies back “I thought you might want to get right into it but I think we need to have a talk first and lay down some ground rules ok?”  Stiles just nods and sits back down on the bed, Scott pulls over the desk chair and then pulls out some paper from his pocket.

“So I told you I needed to think about how this was going to work and I think I’ve come up with an idea but if you don’t like it we can look for another way to do this ok?”

Stiles barks out a short laugh “I trust you Scott” and he hopes that says all that he wants it to. Scott grins at Stiles clearly happy with the amount of trust being placed in him.

“Ok, well I’ve been doing a lot of research and what kept coming up stuff about certain bdsm relationships” he blushes as he says that “and you said you wanted me to hit you but I don’t think I can do that I’m not a masochist Stiles but I thought about what you said you needed and I think I have way to give you what you need without it being too rough, it seems like a good way for you to let go for a while, what do you think?” his eyebrows are drawn in waiting on Stiles to reply

“Sounds good Scott” he’s curious and a little disappointed but couldn’t say no after all the work his friend had put in

“Ok, great well I read that it’s good to have rules and I’d kind of like to have them” he hands Stiles the sheet of paper and a red, orange and green pen “This is a list of stuff that we can do together, you need to look over it and mark off green for what you are totally ok with, orange for you would consider trying and red for you never want to do it, ok?”

“Ok I’ll do that now” Stiles pulls his legs on to the bed underneath him and uncaps all three pens, he shoves them into his mouth so he can mark of what he needs to. He understands quite a lot of it but every now and then he has to take an extra few seconds to work out what something is. While he is doing this Scott is patiently waiting in the chair just watching Stiles with interest and something else he can’t quite place. “Ok I’m done” he hands the sheet back to Scott and waits quietly while he looks over it.

Scott smirks as he finishes reading the list “We need to talk about the rules and then I have something I want us to try tonight because I can tell you haven’t slept in a few days”

In the end they write up a list of the rules so they can both look at them if they forget, since this isn’t going to be a 24/7 thing. They go like this:

  1. Stiles should always let Scott know when he needs this time, he should always let Scott know when he needs anything.
  2. Even when they are not ‘playing’ Stiles has to look after himself the best he can and if he can’t he should let someone know that things are slipping.
  3. Follow instructions given, if Stiles is confused he can always ask for an explanation.
  4. The safe word is wolfsbane, and Stiles is to use it if he ever feels like something they are doing is too much.
  5. Scott will use the traffic light system to check in during a scene to make sure Stiles is doing ok.
  6. During a scene Stiles is only permitted to call Scott Sir or Alpha. (this provides clarity that they are doing a scene and are not just Stiles and Scott)
  7. Scott will always look after Stiles.



Scott says that they can always add or change rules as they go along and that anything is up for discussion. Stiles is really impressed with the amount of effort his friend went to for him and he’s even more impressed by the amount of knowledge Scott seems to have on this, it really feels like Scott wants to do this. He’s a little nervous now that they’re ready to start. Scott pushes the chair back under the desk and stands in the middle of the room “Stiles I want you to come and stand here with your feet shoulder width apart” and he thought it would be weird to say it but the “Yes sir” falls so easily from his lips. Once he is standing in position Scott continues to issue orders

“Ok Stiles, I want you to put your arms out straight in front of you with your palms facing the floor” he does as he’s told but is curious as to what Scott’s going to get him to do, how can he have any kind of pain inflicted on him like this? Scott moves around looking for something and Stiles turns his head to follow him

“Keep your eyes facing forward Stiles” he says firmly and that sends a shiver down Stiles spine he feels under control, after a second Scott appears with a text book in hand “I’m going to put this on top of your hands Stiles and I want you to hold this position for as long as you can understand?”

“Yes sir”

“If you need to stop at any time you use your safe word, all you are allowed to think about is what you’re doing Stiles, any time you feel your thoughts straying I want you to think about the weight of the book on your hands, can you do that?”

“Yes sir” Scott places the book on his hands “Good boy” and Stiles wasn’t expecting that, his breath hitches in a little as he hears it.

At first Stiles doesn’t understand why he is doing this, his thoughts keep wandering to being called a good boy and he really is trying to focus on the book on his hands but it isn’t difficult and then all of a sudden his arms are beginning to get really sore. His arms are starting to shake he can feel the acid building up in his arms and he starts to pant with the effort of keeping the book up.

“Colour Stiles?”

“Green sir” Stiles can’t actually believe the amount of effort it’s taking to keep this book up now. He can’t think about how little he’s slept the last few days, or the nightmares, he can’t think about anything that would set of a panic attack because all he can think about is the tension in his arms, the way they burn and the way the feeling of strain is travelling around his body. He really didn’t think this was going to hurt, and he didn’t understand why Scott chose this particular thing to do because all he had asked for was to be hurt but he thinks he gets it now. He wants to think about this some more but right now he’s still just focussed on doing what he’s told and being a good boy and he’s not sure why that seems like the most important thing in the world right now but that’s exactly how it feels.

“You’re doing good Stiles” something inside him squirms under the praise and he really needs to examine this feeling later. His arms are shaking and he wonders how long he’s been at this for. The book is starting to dip up and down on Stiles arms as he struggles to keep the book up, he notices Scott prowling around him but never getting a good look at him since he has to keep his eyes facing forward.  Stiles bites his lip and huffs out a breath of relief as the book drops to the floor, he waits for Scott to tell him off. When Scott comes into his line of sight though he’s got the same welcoming happy Scott face he always has

“You did really good Stiles, well done” his eyebrows furrow as Scott picks up the book and tosses it on the bed, he walks over to Stiles and leads him over to the bed then motions for him to sit down. “How are you doing Stiles?”

“Ok, my arms really hurt sir”

“I know but you did really good, I want you to take your shirt off Stiles I’m going to rub your arms with some oil to relax them”

“Yes sir” and he moves to take his shirt off but his arms feel like jelly, they feel hollow and numb, he lets out a little laugh “Umm Sir? I can’t actually move my arms” Scott looks at him expectantly waiting and then it clicks what he’s waiting for “Could you help me please sir?”

“Of course Stiles all you ever have to do is ask”


	14. Chapter 14

When Scott had put him to bed last night he felt all floaty, like he was detached from the things that would try to hurt him and cause him to feel heavy. Scott hadn’t tried to leave him just went to change into some pyjamas and slid in beside him, pulling Stiles to him so he was resting on Scott’s chest. Stiles really can’t remember the last time he drifted off so easily head clear of all thoughts and feeling so safe.

He’s surprised as he wakes up, he realises that he’s slept a whole night of uninterrupted sleep and it’s all thanks to Scott. He looks up at Scott from where he’s lying to be met by his grinning face “Morning Stiles” and he gives Stiles a little squeeze like a hug

“Morning Scott, how long have you been up?”

“About twenty minutes or something not long at all, you want to go get some breakfast?”

“Yeah I’m starving!” so they both hop out of the bed and head downstairs.

It’s an uneventful morning with Stiles feeling rejuvenated and eventually Scott goes home to spend some time with his mom. Stiles decides that he is going to sit in his room and think about what happened last night for a while and see if he can make sense of some things.

The first thing he thinks about as he flops on to his bed is the way he felt when Scott had started dishing out orders, he felt squirmy like something had reared its head demanding to be noticed.  He felt taken control of and he knew that Scott would keep telling him what to do so he didn’t have to figure it out on his own, he liked it he thinks, well that’s one way to put it.

He starts thinking about his reaction to being called a good boy, it sent shivers down his spine, as soon as Scott had called him that, it’s all he wanted to be for him. If Stiles was being really honest with himself he was a little bit turned on by it and he really wasn’t expecting that, especially not with Scott, that wasn’t part of their relationship it never had been.

Chewing on his bottom lip he is starting to question if he likes Scott in that way? He mulls it over for a minute or two and he really can’t answer that for himself which is even more confusing.  He’s putting the Scott thing on the back burner for now and going back to the experience itself, he hadn’t expected his reaction to want to please Scott to be a ‘good boy’. Maybe he was kinkier than he thought, because he can’t deny that he really enjoyed on some kind of primal level being told what to do, feeling protected and guided and having to call Scott sir just felt natural. He could definitely see how this could be sexual, he thinks given the right scene it would be euphoric.

On the other side of that though the non-sexual side, having done what they did last night Stiles can feel a difference in himself today. He feels less like he’s being closed in by four walls and more like breathing is a natural thing he has been doing all his life. He wonders when the next time they will do this will be? All he has to do is ask Scott and they can do more stuff like they did last night, Scott said he would wait for Stiles to ask before they arranged another scene. He doesn’t know how long he should wait before asking.

Stiles hears the front door go and he knows that his dad is home, he heads downstairs and throws himself on to his dad, he’s not sure where this is coming from all he knows is that he wants a hug from the old man so he wraps his arms around him.

“Everything ok Stiles” he asks as he hugs his son back

“Yeah dad just missed you is all” he really means that

“I missed you too son” his dad smiles as he says this he’s confused but happy at the sudden display of affection. Stiles stands back and smiles at his dad

“Do you want to go to the movies or something dad?”

“Ugh I’m really tired Stiles I had to stay after my shift ended there was an issue with a transfer” he see’s Stiles face fall a little

“Of course yeah I forgot sorry”

“Why don’t we go and grab something to eat and when we get back I’ll go to bed”

“It’s ok dad you need to sleep”

“Go get your shoes on I’m starving” Stiles gladly takes the hint and goes to get his shoes.

A little while later they are sitting in a diner waiting on their food, they talk about football and how Stiles is getting on with his medication they also talk a bit about Noah’s work. In what seems like no time at all they are finished eating and ready to leave, Stiles hadn’t realised how little time he’d been spending with his dad and people in general, he’s closed himself to everyone kind of like damage control. He needs to make more of an effort to reconnect with the people he desperately cares about.

His dad pays the bill and they are walking to the exit, it happens in a flash so quickly he’s not really sure how his brain registered it. He see’s someone from that night in the hospital, he remembers the terror on their face and them holding the dead body of another. All of the air has escaped the room and he’s just standing frozen in fear, the person hasn’t seen him. His dad turns around and notices that he’s stopped walking and he can tell that something is wrong; it looks like Stiles is trying his best to appear invisible.

“Stiles? You ok?” but his eyes are glassy and he’s not really there at all, he can’t hear his dad calling his name, all he can hear is the screams of people running for their lives. It’s like they’re right there and he throws his hands up to protect his ears and drown out some of the screams. He’s sees shadows moving now as well and he whips around to see them only they are gone as quickly as they appear. Is he possessed again? Where is he? Wasn’t he just in a diner and now he’s at the hospital. Someone grabs him by the shoulders and it looks like a murder victim, they have blood dripping out of their mouth and their skin is grey and mottled, Stiles can’t help the scream that jumps out if him, the person starts yelling to him that he’s a murderer and a monster and that he killed them. Stiles can still hear the screaming so he presses his hands to his ears even harder, he’s dropped down on to the floor at some point, he starts to rock as soon as he realises he can. He can feel his lips moving repeating the same thing over and over again

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” he feels like he’s been there forever and he’s exhausted and slowly he starts to become aware of a voice he knows calling his name, it’s quiet and he realises that his hands are still over his ears, so he timidly pulls them away.

“Stiles? Your safe son, can you hear me?” he wraps his arms around his knees and just keeps rocking. “Stiles you’re ok everything is alright” the voice is soothing and constant and gentle, he realises it’s his dad so he lifts his head to look for his dad and finds him crouched next to Stiles.

“Dad?” he whispers

“Are you with me Stiles?”

“I think so, what happened?” Stiles looks around confused, he’s on the floor of the diner pressed up against the counter, there is a crowd of people of behind his dad somewhere gawking at him

“I’m not sure Stiles, I think you were having some sort of flashback”

“Oh” it felt like it was real, it felt like he was in that hospital he looks up at his dad again

“Come on son let’s get you home” with that his dad helps him up, well more like lifts him up and practically carries him to the car. His dad gets him settled in the cruiser and walks around the car to get in himself. Once he’s sat down he shrugs off his jacket and starts to wrap it around Stiles shoulders. The kid hasn’t said another word; he’s just sitting there trembling. Noah knows he’s slightly more coherent than he was minutes ago but he still seems so distant, he’s not sure how he can help him at this point. “Stiles are you ok?” Either Stiles didn’t or can’t hear him “Son?” Stiles doesn’t look at him just runs a hand into his hair and tugs on it a bit

“They won’t stop screaming, it stopped for a minute but they just start screaming again” he starts to pull on his hair even more, he looks contorted in pain

“What can I do? What will help?” Stiles just shakes his head; he looks like he’s going to be sick

“Please dad just get me out of here” tears start to slide down his face and he curls in on himself, Noah doesn’t waste another second and peels out of the parking lot.

Noah tries his best to just focus on the road but he can’t stop watching Stiles alternating between pulling his hair, covering his ears and wrapping his arms around himself all while rocking back and forward. He figures it’s pointless to try and get Stiles to talk to him again because it looks like he’s barely holding it together as it is. A few minutes pass and then Noah is parking in the McCall’s drive, he has no idea how to help Stiles on his own. He’s just about to pull his phone out his pocket and ask Melissa to come out when he sees Scott running down the steps, he always forgets about his werewolf abilities. When Noah looks at Scott he doesn’t see a little kid anymore all he sees is a man, he grew up so fast. Without Noah explaining the situation at all Scott already seems to know what’s going on.

Scott opens Stiles side of the door gently and crouches down, Stiles doesn’t move he’s currently curled in on himself at the moment.

“Noah my mom’s in the house why don’t you go get her and I’ll stay with Stiles” Noah nods at him impressed with the way he’s handling things when Noah is scared and doesn’t know how to help his little boy.

“Hey Stiles?” Stiles turns his head at the voice

“Scott?”

“I’m here Stiles, how are you doing?” Stiles sniffs trying to clear his nose and throat a bit

“I…they stopped screaming I can’t hear them now” He’s running his hands over his face in an attempt to calm himself a bit

“That’s good Stiles” Scott smiles at him “Can I hold your hand?” he gets a nod of agreement from his tall friend and takes Stiles hand in his own. “Do you want to head into the house?” he starts to shake his head “Ok we can just sit here for a bit”

“I feel wobbly” he mutters; he looks thoughtful for a second “I feel heavy again Scott”

“What do you mean heavy?” Scott ask leaning in a bit more, he wants to reach out and stroke Stiles face, he just wants to make this better for him

“Before last night I felt heavy… then we did the thing and I felt floaty but I don’t anymore it feels like I’m in a coffin” Stiles bites his lip and Scott can tell that he’s trying to detach himself from his feelings and thoughts

“Hey stay with me Stiles” Scott urges

Noah and Mellissa had stopped on the steps watching the exchange, they couldn’t hear what was being said but Noah could see that Stiles was talking and didn’t look as far away as before.

“What do you need Stiles, what can I do to make you feel better?”

It looks as if a lightbulb goes off in Stiles head and the words fall out of his mouth before he can help it “Can you hit me Scott?”

“Stiles…”

“Please Scott I need this, I deserve this Scott” tears are dripping down his face now and it clicks for Scott what this is really about

“Oh Stiles…” he somehow manages to shift Stiles round so he’s facing him dead on now he takes Stiles other hand now and continues “This is what it’s really about isn’t it? You don’t want me to hurt you because it helps you Stiles you want me to do it because you think you need to be punished”

“…” Stiles mouth hangs open and Scott knows he’s right and that breaks his heart, he shuffles a bit and tries to collect his thoughts so he can say what he needs to

“Stiles I need you to listen to me ok? I really need you to hear what I’m going to say”

“Ok” he sniffs out

“I’m never going to hurt you because you think you need to be punished and this is the important bit Stiles you haven’t done anything wrong that you would need punished for, something was done to you as much as it was to us, you didn’t do anything you were a victim, you are such a good person and it breaks my heart that you can’t see that” Scott needs to remain calm and steady for Stiles

“I’m not…good Scott… I’m evil I’m… a monster” he whispers back

“No Stiles you’re not, you’re good” before Scott knows what’s happening he has his arms full of Stiles and is falling on his ass to make room for the taller boy on the ground, Stiles has his arms wrapped around so tight trying to hold on to that feeling of being good enough for Scott “Everything is going to be ok Stiles, I’ll always be here for you, everything is going to be alright”


	15. Chapter 15

Stiles isn’t really sure what happens after he dives into a hug from Scott, he knows he’s being lifted at different points but he’s not sure how much time is in-between each and someone is constantly softly calling his name and telling him he’s good, he’s ok. He just kind of feels like he’s under water or something like that, he knows that things are going on around him but he’s detached from them. He doesn’t remember making a conscious effort to take his mind away from things but now that he’s aware that he’s not in the world around him he’s starting to make an effort to fight his way back to the surface. It’s little things at a time that are bringing him back, the voices that keep calling to him and telling him he’s safe and good and ok. Then it’s the feeling of someone stroking his hair, then he notices he’s being held, and little by little Stiles enters the real world again.

Although his eyes are already open it feels like he’s opening them when he ‘wakes’ from wherever he’s been. He’s half sitting in Scott’s lap and he can see his dad sitting in a seat opposite him nodding off, it sounds like Melissa is buzzing about in the kitchen. Stiles shuffles a bit and Scott’s hand in his hair moves with him, he doesn’t realise that Stiles is back

“Scott?” his mouth feels sticky as he says that, he can feel Scott move to better see his face

“Hey Stiles” he smiles and continues to speak softly “How are you doing?”

“Where have I been Scott” the confusion is evident on Stiles face as well as the worry, Scott flicks a glance over to Noah to see if he’s awake but he seems to be lightly snoring now

“Um well Stiles my mom said it’s called disassociation; it means that your brain kind of checks out for a while when stuff is getting to much”

“Oh”

“Yeah, just a heads up my mom and your dad are like teaming up to find you a therapist that you can talk to, they are going to talk to Deaton and see if he knows anyone that does that kind of work and knows about the supernatural” Scott looks apologetic

“I probably had that coming right?” he sighs and is startled when Scott lets out a little giggle and then looks guilty for it but it sets Stiles off and pretty soon they are both full out laughing and it feels like it’s just to blow off steam after how heavy the day has been.

Noah wakes up and takes in the scene, Scott and Stiles are propping each other up so they don’t fall with laughter, Melissa walks in and watches as well, they share a look about their sons. The laughing dies down and Scott wraps his arms around Stiles taking in the fact that his friend is back with him and feeling ok for the time being.

“Are you boys hungry?” Melissa pipes up, the boys look round in surprise and start to detangle themselves

“Starving” Stiles replies sheepishly; he smiles at his dad reassuringly “Wait what time is it?”

“It’s just after four” Scott replies and Stiles whips around to face his dad

“Dad you’ve been awake for 24 hours!”

“It’s ok son it wasn’t your fault” John rubs his face tiredly

“Dad would you please go home and sleep”

“It’s ok Stiles I’ll be fine”

“No dad you’re not fine your exhausted” the it’s my fault hangs in the air, Melissa steps in

“He’s right Noah why don’t you get home and get some sleep before your next shift starts, Stiles can stay here, I’m off for the next two days so why don’t I keep an eye on him”

“Yeah dad I’ll stay here don’t worry about me”

“That’ll be the day” he grumbles “Ok I’m going I can tell when I’m not wanted” he smiles

“Straight to bed Sherriff” Melissa orders

“Yes mam, you are one in a million Mel thank you” he pulls her into a hug, he could never find the words to explain the gratitude he feels towards this woman who treats Stiles like her own son.

Stiles comes in for a hug goodbye and he’s holding his dad tight

“Don’t even think about it” Stiles furrows his brow in confusion

“What dad?”

“Don’t apologise to me, you’ve done nothing wrong, I love you” Stiles smirks a little sometimes he forgets just how well his dad knows him

“Love you too dad” and with that the Sherriff leaves and the boys and Mellissa sit down to eat.

 

Dinner is finished, Stiles is stuffed he wasn’t expecting to be so hungry but he was, so he just ate and ate and ate. Sitting on the sofa he rubs his hand over his stomach and groans

“I’m so full” he whines and Scott laughs

“Mm I’m still a bit hungry” he replies and Stiles gasps and yells back to him

“But you ate even more than me! How can you still be hungry” Scott just lifts one eyebrow and replies with one word

“Werewolf”

“Stupid wolf” Stiles mumbles back, the rest of the evening is spent watching dumb cartoons and lots of Melissa being a mother hen, she checks in with them every few minutes and neither of the boys have the heart to call her on it.


	16. Chapter 16

Stiles is tucked up in bed next to Scott who is snoring rather loudly, he can’t seem to switch his brain off. He feels exhausted don’t get him wrong, it’s his second night staying at the McCall’s and they have really tired him out but his brain just keeps on ticking away.

Ok so the thing was, here was the thing, ok he was getting to thing, he wasn’t avoiding the thing he just didn’t know what to think about it. Today as he and Scott had spent some quality ‘bro’ time together he had this thing in his head, it was like a niggling, Scott smiled at him and it wriggled inside his head, Scott made him laugh and it wriggled some more, Scott wouldn’t stop touching him, hugging him being really close to him and it just felt like something was really moving about in his head. The part that really sealed the deal for Stiles that something was going on or that something had changed for him was when Scott winked at him playfully, Stiles literally felt his cheeks heating up.

As he lay in bed next to his best friend Stiles knew that he had an answer for what he had been mulling over about having feelings for Scott more than ‘bro’ feelings. He stared up at the ceiling thinking about how much he hated his stupid brain, why did it have to go and start having feelings for Scott. He huffs out a breath, he can’t just lay here anymore so he gets up and heads downstairs to make some tea.

When Stiles walks into the kitchen he gets a little fright he wasn’t expecting to see Melissa sitting in the kitchen with her own hot mug of tea, she smiles as he approaches the tea pot.

“You ok Stiles? Can’t sleep?”

“I’m ok, just couldn’t switch my brain off…doesn’t help that Scott’s snoring sounds like a chainsaw” he laughs “What about you?”

“It’s just hard to transition on to a regular sleeping pattern when you do shift work at a hospital” she sips her tea and watches Stiles walk over to sit next to her while blowing on his tea, he sits quietly. “Something on your mind kiddo?” Melissa looks knowingly at him, he chews his lip and wonders whether to say anything

“Yeah I guess so”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I dunno” Melissa waits letting him decide if he wants to day more, her patience pays off as he starts to talk again “Mel did you ever…” his face screws up like he can’t find the words

“Did I ever what?”

“Sorry I just don’t know what I’m saying, were you ever friends with someone and then you felt different about them” Stiles is treading on thin ice he’s pretty sure that Melissa will be able to work out who he’s talking about pretty quickly

“Like you stopped getting on with them?”

“No not exactly”

“What do you mean then Stiles”

“I mean did you ever have a friend that you loved more than anything, that you got on with that you were just so in sync with and then BAM out of no where you saw them differently, when they smiled at you it wasn’t the same as before it made you feel like you’d never seen anything so great before, when they hugged you it felt like being home and when they said they loved you, you wished they meant it in a different way than they did before” when Stiles finished he looked dejectedly at the ground he hadn’t expected to say that much he didn’t really know he’d been thinking it until it started coming out of his mouth

“Oh, I see what you mean you have feelings for a friend that you didn’t have before?”

“Yeah, stupid me and it feels like now that I can see that I feel that way everything is going to change”

“Oh honey it’s not stupid” she reaches out to hold his hand “You can’t help who you fall for trust me, do they know?”

He groans “I hope not” Melissa laughs

“Why not?”

 “Umm…” Stiles wasn’t sure where to go from here, he didn’t want to say something that would make the woman who was like mom to him see him any differently, but thinking about how good Mel had been over the years he felt like he could trust her “Well a few reasons I guess, I don’t want to make it weird for him” and it’s just then that Stiles realises he’s never thought about his sexuality he’s just always liked a person and never really thought about whether they were a boy or a girl, but sitting here with Mel he can see the surprise on her face and realises he’s never clarified this for anyone “Oh and yeah there’s that I haven’t exactly told anyone what my sexuality is”

“Well Stiles it’s really none of their business, are you worried about that?”

“I don’t know I’ve never really thought about it before; I don’t even know what I am” this conversation got deep fast but Stiles is getting a lot out of it and is kind of in awe of how amazing Melissa is, she doesn’t jump down his throat and ask him about his sexuality or make judgements she just wants to know how he’s doing

“So is that really the reason you don’t want him to know?”

“I guess not, it’s maybe the reason I don’t want my dad to know” he laughs nervously

“Oh Stiles, I can’t speak for your dad but I know he loves you a lot and I don’t think this is something he’ll be bothered about, maybe you could talk to him?”

“Maybe, I just feel like all these things are popping into my head I hadn’t thought about before and it’s…”

“Overwhelming” Melissa finishes for him

“Yeah…how do you know if it’s right to tell someone you like them?”

“You don’t there’s no sure fire way to know how they’re going to take it, you just have to decide if you can live with not saying anything and missing out on what could turn into something”

“I don’t want to lose a friendship over it” Melissa stands up and gestures for Stiles to do the same she leads him to the foot of the stairs and gives him a hug

“You need to get some sleep” Stiles is confused that the conversation is being ended and he’s just let go of Mel and turning around to go upstairs when he hears her say “You should tell Scott” his mouth opens and closes a few times not knowing what to say “You know him well enough that it wouldn’t be weird if he didn’t feel the same way, you are best friends Stiles nothing will change that” she smiles sweetly “Goodnight Stiles, I love you kiddo”

“Goodnight Mel, love you too”


	17. Chapter 17

Stiles is being uncharacteristically quiet and Scott knows why, he is trying to let Stiles have his space to think it through but really Scott wants to talk to him and ask him questions. Scott had already declined to take Stiles home as he knew the Sherriff would still be working and he didn’t want Stiles to be on his own after the other day. So here they are sitting at opposite ends of the room each pretending to do homework, that is until Scott can’t take it anymore and has to speak

“Hey Stiles are you doing ok? You’ve been really quiet today?”

“I’m fine Scott” the clipped reply comes

“You don’t seem fine”

“Well I am” he sighs and then continues “sorry I just could really have done with going home and getting some space”

“Ok I get that but none of us feel good about you being on your own just now”

“I know, I get it and I’m not mad at you or my dad or Mel, I guess I’m just mad at myself for not being able to get over this or move past it”

“Hey you’re doing good you know; it’s going to take time”

“Sure, you know I didn’t want to talk about anything, I didn’t want to deal with anything that was going on but it won’t go away and it seems to be all I do now is break down and talk about how I don’t want to talk and then talk any way”

“If you want to talk or not talk Stiles you know I’ll always be here for whatever?”

“Thanks” he just smiles at Scott feeling supported “Same goes to you as well I know I’m a wreck just now but… you know I’m here for whatever”

“Thanks Stiles” Scott stops for a second and chews his lip “Actually there is something I kind of want to get off my chest?”

Stiles puts down the book he wasn’t reading and turns to face Scott more fully now “Sure what is it?” he looks interested and a little worried

“Well you know last night?”

“Yeah” Stiles is starting to feel nervous

“When you got out of bed last night I kind of woke up” Scott can hear Stiles heart rate start to pick up

“Uh huh” Stiles is refusing to help move this conversation along any

“Well I was trying my best not to listen in to what you and mom were talking about but you know wolf hearing and all…”

“Oh…uh… I don’t know what you want me to say” Stiles is looking anywhere but at Scott

“I’m sorry I don’t want to put you on the spot or anything I just wanted to talk about it maybe?”

“Um ok?” Stiles really doesn’t like that the control of this situation has been taken out of his hands but at least it will be over with and he can move on

“Was she right? Is it me?” and Scott knows if his friend lies he’ll be able to hear it but Stiles has always been one to own a situation

“Yeah” he replies sheepishly “I didn’t know if I was going to say anything because I didn’t want to make it weird for you”

“No… it’s not weird, I’m glad you don’t have to worry about it now, is it weird for you?”

“I mean yeah my best friend just told me he knows I have a crush on him” he laughs nervously

“Well… I am the hot girl” Scott grins mischievously and ducks his head as Stiles launches a book at his head while laughing

“Asshole”

“Love you too bud”

 

Stiles eventually gets to go home, his dad picks him up and they head home together in comfortable silence. As soon as they get inside his dad starts making food, he is determined to put more weight on Stiles now that he is eating properly. Stiles sets the table after a whiles and they sit down to eat they look at each other for a moment and both speak at the same time

“Hey dad?”

“Stiles?”

“Sorry dad you go”

“You sure?”

“Yeah go for it”

“Thanks, well I’m sure Scott told you that I spoke with Deaton I found you a therapist that knows about the supernatural and you have your first appointment with them on Friday after school you’ll be going weekly until he feels it’s no longer necessary” his dad finishes waiting for the argument

“Ok”

“Ok? You’re not going to fight me on this?”

“I don’t… I’m not excited about going but I think you’re right I need to go, things aren’t really getting better on their own I’ve just gotten better at hiding things that doctor was right I probably have PTSD”

“Wait what doctor?”

“Oh um, don’t get mad ok? But when you took me to the doctors she kind of heavily suggested that I should see a therapist and I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to worry you or upset you and I didn’t want to cost you more money than I already have and I’m really sorry that…”

“Whoa Stiles slow down! Take a breath. First of I’m going to worry about you no matter what and second it’s not your job to worry about money understand?”

“Ok”

“Stiles I think we need a new rule or something there’s been too many secrets kept and it never gets us anywhere good agreed?”

“Yeah, what did you have in mind?”

“That we tell each other what’s happening when it’ happening and the rule is that nobody can get mad or upset until they hear the whole story and even then we need to stay open minded about it deal?”

“I can do that I think”

“Good I want you to be able to talk to me son, about anything and know that I’ll always include you in decisions from this moment on”

“Thanks dad, I love you”

“Love you too” they stand up from the table and hug for a second until the sheriff pulls away and looks at Stiles “Wait a minute what were you going to say” they both sit back down

“Oh yeah well I was talking with Mel the other day and she gave me some good advice…”


	18. Chapter 18

Stiles was not having a good day, it was only his second class of the day and only mid-way through the week. He thought he would be feeling good after the honest chat he had with his dad about the fact that he sometimes liked boys, his dad had reacted the way Mel said he would. He also thought he would be feeling great after Scott finding out about his crush and being totally cool with it. Yet here he is sitting in history or something as equally boring and all he can think about is how tired he is and how much he doesn’t want to be here. What Stiles is feeling right now is frustration and he has no clue why, he wants to stand up from his desk and tip it over scream and then leave. But he can’t do that, so he sits with his knee bouncing under the desk, grinding his teeth and is starting to with every passing moment feel anxious because of his frustration and that makes zero sense to Stiles.

He wishes Scott was in this class with him he could really do with passing notes or something to take his mind of his growing anxiety, just then he gets the idea to text his best friend instead, he’s sitting at the back of the room so the teacher won’t see.

 

_To Scott: I’m bored…entertain me_

_1 new message from Scott: Me too math sucks, you want to hang out after school?_

_To Scott: ugh do I have to stay for the rest of the day_ _L_

_1 new message from Scott: what’s up?_

_To Scott: I feel on edge I’m very tempted to push my desk over scream and run out_

_1 new message from Scott: haha please don’t do that, is there anything I can do?_

_To Scott: mmm… would you ditch with me?_

_1 new message from Scott: are you sure you want to do that_

_To Scott: yes! I can’t stand to be here for another second please rescue me!!!_

_1 new message from Scott: just today? You’re not going to make a habit out of this are you?_

_To Scott: absolutely not what do you take me for I’m truly and deeply offended sir?!_

_1 new message from Scott: Sir?_

_To Scott: …it was a joke…sorry is this going to be weird for you?_

_1 new message from Scott: hey no I was joking to kind of… I thought that was you like on the dl asking for you know..._

_To Scott: oh_

_To Scott: um I wasn’t sure that offer was still on the table you know after the whole car freak out it maybe started out like that needing punished or whatever but it really did help… and then you finding out that I like dig you_

_1 new message from Scott: the way you speak never fails to make me smile, but no I said I would be there for you whatever you needed_

_1 new message from Scott: I meant it, if that means we need to change what we do a bit that’s fine but we’ll work it out_

_To Scott: it wouldn’t be weird?_

_1 new message from Scott: Stiles things are always weird but nothing that we do together ever makes me feel weird about you, I don’t know if best friend is a strong enough word for what you are_

_To Scott: STOP YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE…STOP BEING CUTE_

_1 new message from Scott: it’s a gift; p_

_To Scott: omfg but I get what you were getting at before your head got so big it exploded_

_1 new message from Scott: good and my head is perfectly fine thank you very much, so was that a yes you wanted to ‘unwind’_

That honestly hadn’t been Stiles agenda when he started but now that he thought about how wound up he was and the building of whatever it was he was feeling he thought that maybe it was better to diffuse this bomb before it was even lit.

_To Scott: yes, your house? Your moms working in a little while right?_

_1 new message from Scott: Yeah meet me at the jeep we’ll go out for lunch and then go home._

_To Scott: thanks Scott see you soon_

_1 new message from Scott: np :)_

They pulled out of the parking lot of McDonalds, Scott is sitting with the food in his lap while Stiles is looking for somewhere for them to stop and eat, it’s still too early for them to go back to Scott’s his mom won’t have left yet. They ended up in some mostly deserted car park, they couldn’t think of anywhere better to go.

“Hey Scott?”

“Yeah”

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like what do you get out of it the helping me let go for a bit” Stiles has really surprised himself he wasn’t expecting that to fall out of his mouth but he learnt long ago that something was off with his brain to mouth filter

“Oh uh wow um…”

“Sorry no I retract the question I’m being an asshole; I should just be happy you do it sorry”

“Hey no it’s ok you just caught me off guard is all, I dunno I guess we’ve just always looked after each other and I like doing that um it’s kind of gotten more intense for me since I became a wolf and worse since I became an alpha”

“Intense how?”

“Well I’ve always been kind of protective of you in my own way but after I got bit” he stops and cringes for a second “I don’t know if you noticed but like you get zero personal space”

“Hadn’t noticed actually”

“Oh that’s good then…sorry anyway”

“Nothing to be sorry for, what about since you became alpha”

“hmm well I got a bit aggressive at the start whenever the pack would go near you”

“I never knew that”

“Yeah they stopped going near you, I didn’t really realise I was doing it until Lydia pointed it out, they still kind of wait for permission before they approach you like an unspoken nod or something and I always kind of place myself between you and anything else it’s kind of like this overwhelming need to look after and protect you”

“Huh why do you do that?”

“Your mine” Scott immediately replies with a bit of a growl and surprises himself with how intense the words feel in his mouth he tries to rationalise it for Stiles but also himself “I mean you’re my best friend Stiles, now that I can protect you I’m going to and also you’re like my co-alpha”

Stiles laughs a little “I’m yours huh?”

With a small smile Scott simply nods his head, Stiles doesn’t ask any of the other questions that are floating around in his head like are any of the other wolfs like this with someone? Is he really like co-alpha? How had he never noticed any of the changes before? Instead he just lets himself feel touched by Scott’s admission and soaks in the feeling of being protected. He’s Scott’s and that just made sense to Stiles, in whichever manner he was Scott’s he couldn’t deny that he was his.


	19. Chapter 19

They are sitting in the driveway of Scott’s house while he listens to check his mom definitely isn’t home. Scott gives the all clear and they exit the jeep, they walk swiftly into the house as if to avoid detection. “Go upstairs Stiles I need to get some stuff ready before I come up”

“Ok have we started already?”

“No I just don’t want you to see what we are doing” he grins conspiratorially

“Ok anything else you want me to do?”

“Mm not right now I’m going to cover the stuff I bring up anyway”

“Ok” and with that Stiles heads upstairs to not so patiently wait on Scott, he knows that it’s really only been a few seconds but that frustration and anxiety that has been growing all day is creeping up on him again. He is standing facing Scott’s bed looking out of the window, he starts to rock on his feet, Scott enters the room and he whips around to face him. Scott has what looks like a bowl but it’s covered with a dish towel so he can’t see what’s in it, Scott places the bowl on his desk and turns to face Stiles.

“Ok Stiles, I want you to take of your shirt along with anything underneath it and while you’re doing that I want you to tell me the rules again” Stiles is kind of glad that he’s making him do this it helps him keep this Scott separate from the one he hangs out with all the time

“Our safe word is wolfsbane I should use it when I need to or any of the traffic light colours if I need to, I should always tell you when I need anything, I need to look after myself the best I can, I should follow all the instructions you give me, I’m only allowed to call you alpha or sir when we’re doing this and you’ll always look after me” he finishes and in the time he has taken all of his top layers of

“That’s good Stiles well done, do you think we need to add anything to the rules just now or anything that we need to talk about?”

“Not that I can think of”

“I think I have one or two I’d like to add is that ok with you?”

“Yes” Stiles is really keyed up just now

“Thank you, I would like to add that every time you respond to me you must end it with one of the names we agreed, does that sound ok?”

“Yes sir” Scott smiles at him

“I know we never made that rule explicit last time but I think it would be good for you to remember it, the other rule is that if you break any of the rules I would like to punish you for it, what do you think about that?” Scott cocks his head to one side and waits

“Um…” Stiles swallows “Ok like what kind of stuff sir?”

“That depends on what you’ve done; you would still be able to use your safe word”

“Yeah ok then sir”

“Good are you ready to start then?”

“Yes sir”

“Come here Stiles” Stiles moves into the centre of the room underneath the hook where Scott’s punching bag used to hang, Scott stands in front of him

“Put your hands out in front of you” Stiles does this and is watching in fascination as Scott moves his hands into the position he wants “I’m going to tie your wrists Stiles and then connect them to the hook on the ceiling” as he speaks he does just that “Colour?”

“Green sir”

“Good” he moves behind him now “I’m going to put a blindfold on you now” again he does this as he speaks, suddenly Stiles sight is completely cut of but he isn’t feeling scared rather he feels curious as to where this is going “Can you see anything?”

“No sir”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m nervous but good sir”

“Good boy Stiles thank you for being honest” he can hear Scott circling him and wonders of this is all he plans to do but then quickly remembers the bowl “Stop thinking Stiles, your thoughts are always so loud just be here with me ok” Stiles nods he is trying

“Just listen to my voice and nothing else” Scott continues to circle him “Feel the ropes on your wrists and the angle of your arms and just be here with me and nowhere else” and Stiles is starting to find that he can’t be anywhere else but in this very moment with Scott

“I’m here sir”

“Are you sure?” Scott prompts

“Yes sir”

“Ok good boy I’m impressed you did that a lot quicker than I was expecting, I’ve brought something up for you Stiles would you like it?” Scott sounds almost predatory and Stiles chews his lip nervously

“Yes sir” Stiles is starting to question if this is turning him on or not because if it is he seriously needs to cut that shit out right now that’s not what this is about. He hears Scott pick up something from the bowl and come to stand at his back, he isn’t expecting the sensation that he feels so he jerks away from it at first, it’s extremely cold and a little bit wet.

“Is that an ice cube?!” he blurts out in typical Stiles fashion

“Is that an ice cube what?”

Shit he forgot “Is that an ice cube sir?” he asks quieter than before

“First warning Stiles three strikes and you’re out”

“Sorry sir”

“You’re forgiven, and you tell me what it is” this time Scott drags it all the way down his spine and the sensation is overwhelming but it is most definitely an ice cube

“That’s an ice cube sir”

“Yes it is, colour?”

“Green” Scott continues to trail the ice cube over Stiles back and chest, time has no meaning in moments like these.

But the pattern Stiles was following lately was one of moments of calm, of peace and of happiness followed by everything going to shit.

Why break that pattern.


	20. Chapter 20

He’s nearly home he thinks the rain has followed him harshly all the way here, his tears are getting lost in the rain. He can’t believe what happened god he was such an idiot; why did he think putting Scott in that position would work out ok.  He could see his house getting closer and could see his dad running down the porch towards him, he knew he was going to break down, the images of what happened just wouldn’t stop…

 

_Stiles kept trying to stay in the moment but he was becoming increasingly aware of the tenting starting to happen in his boxers. Maybe if he ignored it that would make it go away, but every time Scott’s voice rumbled in his ear or he touched him with an ice cube or every time Stiles called him sir he just throbbed all the more. It surely wouldn’t be long until Scott noticed, sure enough seconds later Scott began sniffing the air as soon as he had picked up on Stiles arousal he stopped and stood stock still. He walked to the front of him to confirm his suspicion and was greeted with the sight of his best friend’s arousal. A few seconds ticked by and Scott began to growl, Stiles was scared and his heart rate picked up, swiftly Scott cut down his bindings and ripped his blindfold off. Stiles felt so confused at the look on Scott’s face “Scott?” he felt so worried about what was happening_

_“Get out Stiles” Scott yelled_

_“I’m sorry Scott please” Stiles was frantic_

_“Stiles just get out!” Scott roared and with that Stiles turned and fled the room, he was surprised to run into Mel on the stairs who looked confused at Stiles state of undress_

_“Hey kid you ok?” Stiles ignored her and tugged his t-shirt on, somewhere in between trying to get dressed and get down the stairs he had begun sobbing “Stiles what’s wrong”_

_“I have to go” he ground out around the tears and pushed his way to the front door_

_“Stiles wait…” he had already slammed the door behind himself. The rain was coming down hard, he had left his keys inside but there was no turning back now. He resolved to walk home he didn’t care he just needed to get away from that look on Scott’s face and the way his words felt._

His dad got to him quicker than he thought possible

“Stiles are you ok? Mel called me and said that something happened you left really upset? Where are your shoes?!” Stiles didn’t think about saying anything at the moment he just threw himself into his dads arms and cried. Noah was worried to say the least the way Stiles just collapsed into him “Come on let’s get you inside you’re freezing” he supported most of Stiles weight all the way inside. He was shivering really bad now and Noah was worried about his son catching a cold or something worse. He wants to sit Stiles down and ask what is going on but right now he has to get him warmed up and into dry clothes. He leads Stiles upstairs and into his bedroom and sits him down in his desk chair

“Come on Stiles get all that wet stuff off” he see’s Stiles shivering so much that his co-ordination is all of and he can’t really take any of it off at all “Can you sit forward I’ll do it we need to get you warmed up” Stiles shuffles forward a bit, Noah grabs the hem of Stiles shirt and peels that of he throws it by the door and then remembers to grab some towels “Ok Stiles put your hands on my shoulders and stand up” Stiles does this and looks down at his dad feeling dazed, he still hasn’t stopped crying, his dad tucks a towel around his waist and then pulls down his wet pants and boxers “Sit down again”  he pulled them off his ankles along with his socks and threw those to the door as well. Noah takes the other towel and then starts to dry Stiles hair and then arms and chest and back, he roots around Stiles drawers until he finds a warm jumper and some sweats and thick socks. He helps Stiles dry off and get re-dressed in his dry clothing. “Come on Stiles let’s get you under the covers while I go and make you some coco” Stiles nods and continues to shake

When Noah comes back upstairs a few minutes later he isn’t surprised to see that Stiles is still crying, his head resting on his duvet covered knees he shakily accepts the coco and drinks it pretty quickly. When he’s done he looks to his dad, his dad then takes that as his que to sit down next to him, when he does this he has his arms full of a sobbing Stiles

“I messed up dad” Stiles is holding on to his dad so tight

“What happened?”

Stiles thinks about saying that he and Scott had a falling out but then decides they agreed to tell each other the truth

“Scott knows I have a crush on him and he said it was fine but then I made it all weird and now he hates me”

“I didn’t know that son, why do you think he hates you?” his dad is looking at him with sympathy and that hurts

“I messed up, I made him feel awkward and…” Stiles stops takes in a breath and sighs “He was so angry you should have seen the look on his face”

“What did you do?”

“I said I would be honest with you dad but I don’t want to say”

“Ok can’t you just talk this out”

“I don’t know, oh god what if I’ve just lost my best friend” and Stiles is gone he can’t speak anymore, can’t hear anymore just cries out his frustration and disappointment with himself until he falls into a fitful sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Scott is kneeling on the floor of his room trying to master his control, he keeps growling and he’s trying not to breathe, every time he takes a breath he can smell Stiles arousal mixed with fear and it’s driving him insane.

“Scott?”

“Mom” he huffs out “Can you open the window for me as wide as it goes” she looks confused but has long stopped asking for explanations before doing things, she can see that Scott is really struggling with something he’s clawing his own hands and bleeding

“What else do you need Scott?” his eyes are glowing as he tries to look up at her

“Can you give me your cardigan” she whips it off and hands it to him he uncurls his hands to take it and then scrunches it up around his nose, he takes a few deep breaths and calms a little but it’s enough that he can stand and leave the room. They get downstairs and Scott slumps down on the sofa, his mom sits down beside him and he still has the cardigan bunched up around his nose

“Scott can you tell me what happened” his mind starts to flashback to what went down

_Something caught his attention, Scott began sniffing the air and he immediately picked up on Stiles arousal he stopped and stood stock still. He walked to the front of him to confirm his suspicion and was greeted with the sight of his best friend’s arousal. Something primal reared its head in Scott the same thing that made Stiles his, was telling him he needed to bite Stiles to claim him to take him and the urge was so strong that he stumbled back from the force of it. He started to growl he wanted to defile his best friend, mark him and make sure everybody knew who he belonged to, he prowled closer to an unsuspecting Stiles ready to have him. Something sparked in Scott and he got a moment of clarity, Stiles needed to get out of here before Scott hurt him with that moment of clear headedness he used his claws to cut the rope on his hands and pulled Stiles blindfold off. Stiles looked thoroughly confused but Scott needed to act quick he didn’t know how long he was going to be able to control himself the smell of Stiles was intoxicating_

_“Scott?” he looked so vulnerable and the need to claim was forced down by Scott for long enough that he threw Stiles top at him and yelled at him_

_“Get out Stiles”_

_“I’m sorry Scott please” Stiles was frantic_

_“Stiles just get out!” he roared couldn’t Stiles see that he needed to protect him from himself, Stiles took one last look at Scott and fled the room. Scott dug his nails in to his hands he needed to ground himself he absolutely could not follow Stiles and screw him into the ground because it wouldn’t be sex and it wouldn’t be love making it would be fucking and mating and no part of it would be gentle and Scott knows that he wouldn’t stop no matter what Stiles said and that scared him enough to dig his claws in deeper. He heard his mom try to talk to Stiles on the stairs but it sounded like he blew past her and slammed the door on his way out, ‘good’ he thought Stiles needed to get far away from him right now he didn’t want to hurt his best friend, he needed to protect Stiles and that feeling left one word floating around Scott’s head ‘MINE’ he needed to protect what was his, even from himself._

“I…” he couldn’t say what he had almost done it felt awful now he had calmed down a bit and gotten away from the scent

“Scott it’s ok tell me what happened” she placed a hand on his knee in a gesture of comfort

“I can’t even say it…he doesn’t even know what almost happened to him” he ran a hand through his hair smearing blood through it unintentionally

“Sweetie I need you to tell me what happened you didn’t see Stiles when he left he’s… he looked heart broken and terrified”

“oh god what’ve I done…” Melissa is trying to be patient but she is growing more concerned by the second about what happened, she thinks about Stiles walking home in the pouring rain and the harsh wind without any shoes on and thinks she better call Noah and let him know what’s going on, well as much as she can.

“I’ll be right back I need to call Noah and let him know” Scott doesn’t acknowledge that he’s heard her just sits with his head in his hands, she comes back a minute later and sits in the same place “Scott talk to me?”

“I haven’t lost control like that in…I don’t even know how long”

“Just start from the beginning what happened?” he takes a breath and tries to find the best place to start

“We left School because Stiles felt bad I guess and we’ve been um doing something that helps him out?”

“What have you been doing?”

“Uh I don’t really want to say it’s nothing bad I just yeah nope not saying” his mom looks confused but accepts that she won’t be told what they do

“Ok go on”

“We came back here because we knew you’d be out so we started getting Stiles to calm down… I guess he got excited” he cringes telling his mom that his best friend was horny

“Excited?” 

“Don’t make me say it mom you know ‘ _excited’”_ he raises his eyebrows to help along the explanation, and then it dawns on her what he means

“Oh…oh” her whole face gets a little red “Ok got it”

Scott grimaces and tries to continue “Well I kind of smelt it before I knew what was happening you know wolf sense of smell and chemo signals and then I saw what was happening” his eyes go wide as he continues to speak “and then I don’t know I kind of lost it…I wanted to” he grits his teeth “I wanted to do something about it” his mom looks confused

“I don’t understand what’s wrong with that, you feel bad because you were attracted to Stiles?” and Scott looks really offended at this

“God no mom no, it wasn’t that I would never feel bad about that, it was the intensity of it I felt so out of control I would’ve…” he takes a shuddering breath “I wouldn’t have taken no for an answer” and Scott can’t even look at her he is so ashamed, silence follows that from both Scott and his mom. Scott can’t believe he just admitted that he would have raped his best friend if he didn’t get himself under control, he is so angry at himself right now, he’s going to lose his best friend and he deserves it

“But nothing actually happened?”

“ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME” his mom looks taken aback

“I am listening Scott are you? You knew what could happen so you pushed Stiles as far away as you could and then you focussed on getting a grip of yourself, you kept him safe I’m not going to excuse what could have happened but I’m not going to ignore the fact that you saw that and then went out of your way to stop it” she finishes determined to get Scott to see what happened

“I almost did something awful mom” Scott starts to cry, and his mom can see that even the thought of hurting Stiles tears her son right down to his core

“It’s going to be ok, you and Stiles will work this out I know you will”

“He’ll hate me when he knows, he trusted me to look after him”

“You did look after him Scott”

“No I let him down he looked so hurt when I yelled at him”

“Maybe you can talk to him tomorrow when things have calmed down a bit?”

Scott thinks about how that will go he doubts if Stiles will even see him, god what was that even about why did he take such a reaction to the smell of his friend’s arousal? He was never like that with Allison and he and Kira had never really been a thing so why did he feel this way about Stiles his friend, he doesn’t know the answer…but maybe he knows someone who might.


	22. Chapter 22

Stiles woke suddenly and for once it wasn’t because of a nightmare, he starts coughing he’s desperately trying to catch his breath but can’t seem to. He sits up to see if that will help and it eases of a bit, it’s starting to die down but now he feels incredibly thirsty.  Man he feels awful, like he was hit by a truck he somehow feels hot and cold, he starts to shuffle downstairs to the kitchen. When he gets down there he isn’t surprised to find that his dad is sitting watching tv

“Hey da…” he starts coughing again and has to lean on the counter for support

“Stiles you ok?” he gets up from the couch to walk over to Stiles

“Sorry yeah I’m ok I just feel like crap what time is it?”

“It’s 9 you’ve been sleeping for about 7 or 8 hours”

“I’m still really tired, just gonna get some water and go back to bed” his dad reaches out to feel his forehead

“You feel ok; you’ve certainly warmed up”

“Goodnight dad love you”

“Love you too” Stiles is only thinking about how tired he is as he makes his way back to bed water in hand, he gulps it down and crawls back under the covers, he falls asleep almost instantly completely drained.

Stiles is surprised when he wakes up and it’s morning, he slept right through the night and much to his pleasure finds that he feels a lot better than he did last night still a little tired but not feverish anymore. He can’t bring himself to think about yesterday, can’t let himself or he won’t get up and get ready for the day or go to school. He doesn’t even notice the way he’s becoming detached, he’s going through the motions and his head is somewhere safe from harm and humiliation. He’s arrived at school before he knows it, he can’t even remember talking to his dad, did he even see him before he left? He feels weird like he’s in his head but not really, like things are kind of not really happening, like he’s moving and speaking and doing on autopilot, he doesn’t have control of his actions. All of a sudden it’s like he blinks and he’s sitting in class he doesn’t remember getting here, he was just at the jeep a second ago.  He looks around confused; he’s starting to feel anxious about this and just as he realises that his mind decides to take him away again, his brain feels that perhaps it would be better if he just went away and didn’t feel anxious right now. He has no idea how long he’s been in school for, but he’s sitting with a food tray so he figures it must be lunch. He looks up and realises that he’s sitting opposite Lydia who’s talking away and he wasn’t expecting that so he jumps with fright and looks around again

“Stiles are you ok?” her eyebrows furrow in concern Stiles had just jumped for no apparent reason and was now looking around very dazed

“I don’t remember getting here” he takes a breath “How long have we been here?”

Lydia looks even more concerned now “We came to lunch about 40 minutes ago Stiles don’t you remember?”

“No, I’m not really sure how I even got to school” he seems to be eerily calm now but still looking utterly perplexed “Something Melissa said” he looks off into space

“I’m taking you to the nurse” she stands up and walks around to Stiles and guides him up by the elbow

“association or something with a d” he stands up and allows himself to be steered along by Lydia

“With a d?” Stiles is making no sense and he looks so dreamy “Do you mean dissociation?”

“Wait I didn’t have the jeep”

“Scott drove it in for you remember he gave your dad the keys your dad gave you the keys? Your dad dropped you off?”

“My dad?”

“You’re really freaking me out Stiles, your dad dropped you off and asked Scott to leave you alone for the day you had a fight or something” they are almost at the nurse’s office when she spots Scott who can somehow tell that somethings wrong and immediately comes over

“Is he ok” Scott asks

“Yeah Scott I did something bad to Scott” Stiles replies not noticing that Scott was standing in front of him

“He’s really confused he doesn’t remember getting to school or this morning he said something about dissociating”

“I’ve got him from here Lydia I’ll let you know how he is later” she makes to protest but receives a flash of red and a small growl

“Ok bye Stiles”

“Lydia when did you get here?” he sounds surprised and confused as she smiles and walks away

“Hey Stiles are you with me?” Scott asks tentatively as he guides Stiles outside to the jeep

“I was…I slept for a long time I tried not to think about it so I went away” Scott feels like Stiles isn’t really grasping who he’s talking to and this feels a little scarier than last time because he was mostly catatonic then but now Scott can see the confusion in Stiles. He gets Stiles to sit in the passenger side of the jeep while he stands in front of Stiles to make sure he doesn’t disappear

“Ok we’re just gonna sit here for a minute while I call your dad ok?” the only reply he receives is a small hum, the phone rings a few times before Noah answers

“Hello?”

“It’s Scott”

“Everything ok?”

“Not really I think Stiles has dissociated again he’s really confused and Lydia said he couldn’t remember this morning at all, I don’t think he even knows who I am right now, what do you want me to do?”

“Christ” Noah takes a calming breath “Can you drive him home I’ll meet you there I just need to arrange cover for my shift”

“I can stay with him until your shift finishes? It’s only a few more hours right?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea Scott, he was really upset last night”

“I won’t talk to him about it I just want to help” Noah considers this and he knows Scott’s a good kid, one of the best actually and he knows how much he cares for Stiles, so he comes to the conclusion that Scott won’t do anything to make this worse and that Stiles will be in good hands “Ok Scott I trust you just call if anything changes or gets worse, I’ll leave a little earlier than usual”

“I will, I’ll look after him” and Noah can hear all of the unspoken promises that go along with that.

Scott hangs up the phone and gets Stiles buckled in, Stiles is fiddling with the radio when Scott gets in at the other side

“Stiles can you give me the keys please?” Stiles doesn’t look at him just fishes in his pocket and produces the keys, he goes back to finding a station he likes, once he settles on one he sings along happily, he still looks far away to Scott though he’s not sure where Stiles has gone in his mind.

Once the jeep stops Stiles jumps out and heads up to the house looking for his keys

“I swear I had them!” he mumbles to himself

“I have them here Stiles” Stiles shuffles to the side to let Scott open the door once they get inside Stiles starts making them a couple of sandwiches, he grabs a couple of sodas and he sits at the table. Scott sits down and starts to eat, Stiles eyes are glassy, when they’re done he takes the dishes to the sink and the clatter down as Stiles looks around

“I was in School wasn’t I?” he spots Scott and jumps “When did you get here”

“I drove you home Stiles remember? You haven’t been having a good day so I brought you home”

“I don’t…I was upset about something?”

“Yeah man you were”

“Oh I did something wrong” he stops just for a second before he continues “I made you mad I remember now” and Scott can see the moment when Stiles comes back to himself fully it looks as though he’s been hit by a train

“No Stiles you didn’t do anything wrong I’m not mad at you not one bit” he can see the struggle Stiles is going through to piece together where his day has gone along with the talk they are having now

“Is that why you… you came to tell me… you don’t want to see me anymore?”  Stiles eyes are starting to water and his voice grew thicker with every word he spoke

“No I would never not want to see you, god I told your dad we wouldn’t talk about this” he mumbles the last part

“I don’t understand…Scott… why did you come?”

“I came to look after you, you must have dissociated at some point this morning, you weren’t doing good, are you with me? Are you back?”

“Yeah I don’t feel separate anymore” Stiles croaks out “You can go now, I’m sorry you had to bring me home, I’ll leave you alone” Stiles turns around to lessen the blow of watching Scott leave

“Please Stiles stop this” Scott grabs his own hair in frustration

“Stop what?” he asks as he turns to face Scott

“Stop acting like you did something wrong, like you’re the one who fucked up, it was me Stiles ok I fucked up, I fucked up so bad and I’m so sorry that I hurt you like that but it wasn’t anything you did Stiles it was me ok? You trusted me to look after you and I let you down I nearly did something awful to you and I’m such an idiot I never wanted to hurt you like that I’m so sorry ok I’m so sorry that I did that to you and I’m sorry that it made you dissociate today because that’s not cool I’m meant to be helping you not making things worse I’m sorry I was such a crappy friend Stiles and I’m just so sorry that in trying to protect you I hurt you this way” Scott didn’t know it was possible to shake from the weight of guilt yet here he stands trying to bare it, Stiles looks flummoxed

“But… I don’t understand I’m the one that…you know” Scott almost laughs at that

“You didn’t do anything wrong, there was nothing wrong with how you felt, it was me Stiles I lost control and I wanted to…take advantage of you” He can’t bear to look at Stiles when he says this

“Take advantage?”

Scott huffs in shame “I wanted to…claim you” Scott pauses then uses a word he never has and never will again “carnally”

“Oh” Stiles has no idea what to say “I wasn’t expecting you to say that”

“I wasn’t expecting that to happen”

“I feel like I’m missing something here…why didn’t you just ya know ask me if I wanted to do anything?”

“Because if the answer had been no it wouldn’t have stopped me” Scott manages to grind that out through his teeth, he chances a glance at Stiles who looks thoughtful and then speaks

“Well thank you then”

“What?!”

“Thank you for looking out for me and not putting me in that position” he barely finishes that sentence before he gets the air knocked out of him by Scott throwing himself into a hug

“I thought you would hate me” Scott whispers over Stiles shoulder

“Never”


	23. Chapter 23

Starting therapy hadn’t been as bad as Stiles first thought it would be, his therapist was ok and they knew about the supernatural so that made things easier, but the thing that was actually making Stiles talk when he went was the fact that everything he said was confidential, he didn’t need to worry about his dad or Scott or anyone else hearing it. It was liberating.

He had therapy twice a week and had been going for a few weeks already, things weren’t really getting better but Dan (his therapist) had said that things would stay the same or get worse for a while and that sucked but once that period had passed things would start to improve over time. Everybody was concerned about the dissociation and he was working on methods to stop himself doing this by being able to spot when it was coming on and grounding himself, he couldn’t always tell when it was happening though so he had gotten used to having an escort most of the time because he had done some strange and sometimes dangerous things when he would ‘go away’. Mostly that included his dad, Scott, Mellissa and Lydia. He wasn’t sure how he felt about having no alone time anymore.

Stiles had just finished another session with Dan, his dad was sitting outside in the cruiser waiting for him. His dad is going to drop him off at Scott’s to spend the night while his dad has the nightshift. Stiles slides into the cruiser and continues to wipe his eyes, it had been a rough session and he couldn’t seem to stop crying

“Hey Stiles you ok?”

“Yeah dad just…processing”

“Still want to go to Scott’s?”

“Of course” he smiled through his tears, his dad had started to pick up when to push something and when to let it alone so they rode in silence to Scott’s. He gives his dad a quick hug before he hops out, Noah waits until he sees Scott before he waves and drive off.

“Hey Stiles, you doing ok today” Scott is really good at reading Stiles he always has been but it’s been eerily more on point lately than it ever had been before.

“Rough session” he grumbled back all Stiles really wants to do now is zone out in front of the tv or something equally as distracting

“You want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later” and with that they head inside the house

“Go sit down I’ll grab some snacks we are going to finally start watching breaking bad!” Stiles smiles at Scott’s enthusiasm, he kicks off his shoes and makes himself comfy. Scott throws over a bag of chips, some chocolate and drops a bottle of soda down next to Stiles, he sets up the tv then practically jumps onto the sofa next to Stiles.

Somewhere between the first and second episode Stiles had slunk down further and further until his head made its way into Scott’s lap. He only becomes aware of this because Scott has been carding his fingers through Stiles hair for the past ten minutes and it feels intimate to Stiles. Stiles was not unaware of how Scott had been acting since their conversation that day in the kitchen, he had become sweeter in a way, he kept saying these things to Stiles that would make him confused and blush and he was being so touchy he was constantly finding a way to be close to Stiles. It was honestly making Stiles so confused, he had been under the impression that things were swiftly moving on after the incident, so Scott had been sexually attracted to him it didn’t mean anything was going to happen and it was most likely a wolf thing that had caused it anyway.  He thought there had been an unspoken agreement to forget everything including Stiles confession of feelings and he just didn’t know what was going on.

The more Stiles thought about it the more stressed out he felt, it was starting to feel like an elephant was sitting on his chest and then slowly it started to feel like he was drifting away. He felt like he was becoming detached and that was bad he remembered, ok it was time to try and ground himself. He shot up from his position on Scott’s lap who whipped his head around to Stiles to see what was going on

“You ok Stiles?”

“mm no I feel… floaty… need to ground myself”

“What do you need”

“Not sure still not worked out how to stop this” his eyes were drifting around the room and he felt less like trying to stay in the moment and like he was being pulled in on himself

“Hey stay with me Stiles ok?”

“Trying”

“Why don’t you tell me what you were thinking about that brought this on?”

“You”

“Me? What about me?”

“You’ve been acting weird…you keep saying nice things and… touching me…it makes me feel confused and then I felt stressed out”

“Why did you feel stressed out”

“Because I don’t understand what’s happening… I thought we were just forgetting anything happened… but you keep saying nice things”

“I’m sorry Stiles I didn’t realise I was making you uncomfortable I’ll try and stop ok?”

“I’m not uncomfortable just… makes me feel squirmy inside…it’s nice” Scott looks at him and waits a few minutes before he replies

“Are you feeling a bit more here?”

Stiles takes a deep breath and somewhere in that short conversation he’d came back down to earth some and actually yeah he did feel present “Yeah actually I can’t believe that worked” he smiles at Scott “Thanks” Scott smiles back at him and shifts over to sit opposite Stiles on the coffee table, they’re both facing each other now and Scott starts to speak

“Thanks for telling me what you did I’m glad it helped you stay here, I’m sorry that I’ve been making you confused, I’ll try to be clearer from now on” he leaned closer to Stiles who unthinkingly mirrored Scott’s action “Stiles?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I try something, if you don’t like it I’ll stop?” Stiles swallowed nervously the air around them felt charged somehow

“ok” he spoke quietly

“Ok” Scott quirked his lip in a signature Scott smile, Scott leaned in closer moving slowly he brought his hand up to cup Stiles jaw and just as slowly brought his lips to meet his best friends giving him time to back out if he wanted, Stiles didn’t move an inch but the anticipation was building until what felt like to quickly and not quickly enough Scott’s lips were on his moving gently, it was tender and nothing like Stiles could have imagined it being. Scott pulled away a little stopping the kiss, he softly pressed his forehead to Stiles, there was a moment when their eyes locked and they knew everything had just changed for them. They sat for a few seconds more before they broke apart Stiles chewed on his lip and tried to think of something to say he was surprised when Scott spoke

“Was that ok?”  he asked sounding uncharacteristically nervous

“Definitely ok…”

“Stiles I want to take you on a date” Scott grins

“hmm I’ll have to check my schedule you know I’m beating dates off with a stick” Stiles joked and was about to say more when he was cut off with a growl from Scott who had quickly moved into Stiles place and started rubbing his face in the crook of Stiles neck

“Mine” Scott growled aggressively

“Whoa where did that come from, it was joke right you know that of course I want you to take me on a date” Scott was still nuzzled against him

“Sorry…wolf thing… please don’t ask” he continued to growl as he rubbed his scent over Stiles

“Going to ask anyway… what was that about” Stiles quizzes looking down at Scott who manages to pull himself away

“If I promise to tell you when the times right will you promise to ignore the weird things I might start doing”

“Like what?”

“Stiles!”

“Come on Scott you’re being all mysterious and you know I can’t leave a mystery alone”

“Please Stiles just not now ok? Soon but not now I’m not ready yet” and seeing the look in Scott’s eyes Stiles couldn’t refuse

“Ok but you promised to tell me eventually right?”

“Promise”

“Ok then…wanna go out for some pizza”

“Yeah let’s go” Scott smiled as they headed out the door, he felt better than he had in weeks, better because he knew what had caused the incident in his room before, better because he knew what he could do about it and better because he was going to get exactly what he wanted from Stiles, well he was very hopeful at least.


	24. Chapter 24

“Will you sit down you’re making me nervous” Noah griped as he watched his son continue to pace about the room waiting to be picked up for his first date

“I can’t I’m nervous” Stiles started chewing his lip “What if I screw this up? What if we never talk again what if…”

“Stop it you’re going to freak yourself out” Stiles turns overdramatically and stares down his dad

“I’m already freaking out!”

“I don’t get it, I mean it’s Scott you’ve been friends for years why are you so nervous you already spoke about this with him, you’d still be friends if dating doesn’t work out so why are you so wound up” Noah finishes feeling confused as ever at his sons thought process

“UGH dad I don’t know ok… no ok maybe I do, something’s going on and he won’t tell me he’s been acting really strange well the whole pack’s been acting strange and Lydia but she always knows what’s going on and she won’t tell me…”

“Whoa Stiles breathe would you!” he chuckles as Stiles wipes sweat of his brow and sucks in some air

“It’s not funny! What if this is the worst first date ever?!”

“What if it’s the best?”

“What if it’s the first and last one?”

“We’re going round in circles here Stiles” Noah hears Scott’s bike while his son is busy freaking out “Thank god that’s your ride now stop worrying and have fun ok?”

“Ok…ok I can do this it’s Scott”

“Yes you can, call if you need me, love you son” he pulls him in for a hug and watches him head outside and greet Scott.

 

“Hey so…are you going to tell me where we are going” Stiles smiles and zips up his jacket knowing he was about to get on the bike, Scott pull his helmet off so they can talk

“Hey mmm no I think you can just wait and see” he grins and thrusts a helmet to Stiles “Come on hop on” he says as he slides on his own helmet

Stiles pulls his helmet on and slides on behind Scott, as soon as Stiles has a firm grip around Scott’s waist they’re off. He’s enjoying the ride, it’s not often he’s actually on the back of Scott’s bike it’s a far cry different from his beloved roscoe not better mind just different.

They drive for a while, and Stiles recognises that they have entered the reserve at some point, but soon they are driving to a part that he’s certainly never been to before. Scott starts to slow down and then eventually stops at some trees. He waits a moment for Stiles to get off and then hops off himself, he holds his hand out for Stiles helmet and then rests both on top of the bike.

“What are we doing here”

“You are so impatient Stiles”

“And you’re avoiding the question” he fires back, Scott just smiles at him and holds his hand out for him to take. Stiles hesitates for a moment and then slides his hand into his best friends, it feels very weird to be holding Scott’s hand like this, but he likes it.

They walk for a few minutes and then as they pass through a clearing of trees Stiles can see what the noise of water was, they are staring at a beautiful waterfall. He still can’t work out what the date is going to be, and they have the whole night ahead of them.

It’s not quite dark out but it’s not particularly light out either, it’s just right that Stiles can see what looks like lots of candles dotted around a bunch of fallen trees near the bottom of the waterfall. Stiles wants to laugh as he spots what looks like a picnic in the centre, he thinks just what a Scott thing to do this is.

Still holding hands Scott pulls him into the middle of the trees, Stiles can see there are lanterns hung from trees that are still upright, Scott gestures to one of the piles of cushions

“Sit down” he does and watches as Scott sits down opposite him, there is a tree stump serving as a table, Scott starts pulling stuff from the basket. He pulls out a couple of burgers first followed by curly fries and what looks like a milkshake.

“Here” Scott pushes over the food to his side, he grabs the burger and is surprised that it’s still hot

“How is this still hot?!”

“I may have roped the pack into helping out” he answers sheepishly

“Scotty I’m shocked abusing your power like that” Scott laughs

“Actually they offered they said quote “You are unbearable” I think I stressed over this a lot”

“Glad it wasn’t just me then” Stiles takes a sip of his milkshake and groans when he realises it’s his favourite “How did you get this? They stopped making these months ago”

“Charm and good luck?”

“Is that right?”

“No it was bribery and a promise to let her know how the date goes” they both laughed at the efforts he had went to

“I can’t believe you did that”

“I have a surprise for you when we’re done” Stiles looks at his food and considers trying to swallow it whole, instead he settles for picking up the pace and leaving a bit of the burger

“I’m done!” Scott eyes him astonished at how much Stiles can’t wait for things, he hates a mystery

“Ok are you ready for this?”

“Yes come on you know I hate surprises!”

“Close your eyes”

“UGHHHH” but he does and he can hear Scott moving stuff of the tree stump and moving what sounds like a box

“Ok open!”  he does and a smile bursts on to his face

 “Battleship! We haven’t played this in forever!” Stiles is already tearing into the box to get it set up, he looks up and sees a look on Scott’s face that he can’t quite place

“What?” his eyebrows scrunch as he tries to work out what Scott’s thinking

“Nothing, I just don’t remember the last time I saw you this happy…it’s nice” Stiles doesn’t know what to say so he just smiles at Scott and lets the feeling of warmth wash over him.


	25. Chapter 25

They played for a ridiculous amount of time, eventually Scott had to put his foot down at 9 games. Stiles was glad when he realised that the end of the game didn’t mean the end of the night, Scott had simply picked up all of his cushions and produced a blanket from seemingly nowhere combined the two piles and made a comfy pile to lay on.

“What are we doing now?” Stiles asked nervously

“I thought we could just lay down and stargaze for a bit, if you want to” Scott looked just as nervous. The rest of the evening could have been brushed off as a really weird friend date but they were now approaching the point of no return

“Yeah I do” Stiles lay down and left it to Scott to decide how close he would be, he laid right next to him and sought Stiles hand with his own.

Here they were in silence holding hands, watching the stars. Stiles feels a nervous laughter bubbling inside of him and tries his best to push it down, he shivers noticing how chilly it had gotten in the last hour or so.

“Are you cold”

“No” he can practically hear Scott’s eyebrow raise in scepticism “Ok yes”

“Come here” and Scott is half dragging half lifting Stiles into his space, he wraps his arms around Stiles who sighs at the warmth

“I always forget you’re a human furnace” and once the awkwardness passes (very quickly) he settles into Scott more, resting his head on his shoulder. Scott’s chin is resting on the top of Stiles head, he hears him take a big breath and then another then he realises what Scott is doing

“Are you sniffing me?!” Stiles turns his head to look at Scott

“No…maybe…this is one of those weird things I need you to ignore”

“This is driving me crazy you know”

“I know”

“You’re sure you can’t tell me now?”

“No it’s better if I tell you later when the time is right” Stiles huffs like a petulant child his bottom lip poking out in annoyance

“Stiles?”

“Yeah?”

“You should stop pouting unless you want me to bite that lip” the air becomes charged instantly and Stiles can feel the heat rising in his cheeks, he leaves his lip where it is.

Not a second later Scott has rolled him on to his back and is now pressed against the length of him, his weight resting on one arm. The other is resting on the side of his neck, Scott leans down and pulls Stiles lip into his mouth gently biting it.

It’s one of those things where Stiles just doesn’t have a clue what to do with himself, he waits to be led by Scott and he’s not disappointed when a second later spurred on by the small groan Stiles makes Scott runs his tongue over Stiles lip.

He is making out with his best friend and he’s noticing things that he hadn’t before, like just how rock solid Scott’s body was, a powerhouse of muscle, or that he smells like rain and fresh air, he smells like home. Then another thought pops into his head and he can’t stop the laugh that bursts out of him, Scott pulls back looking down at Stiles with a look of amusement

“Do I want to know?” he asks knowing full well the oddness that is Stiles mind

“I was just thinking how weird it is when people say that kisses taste of candy or crap like that because your tongue just tastes like tongue” Scott laughs in response “I’ve killed the mood haven’t I?”

“No we should probably stop though” Scott leans down for a quick peck and then kisses Stiles nose before he rolls of and sits up

“Good because I don’t put out on the first date” they both laugh knowing Stiles hadn’t been on enough dates to know, Scott smiles but is angling away from Stiles now taking in a few deep breaths “You good Scott?”

“Yeah I just… give me a sec” he needed to get the heady scent that was Stiles out of his system it was starting to get overpowering, once he had calmed enough he turned back to his date “Ok I’m good sorry just wolf senses you know makes things…harder, no pun intended”

“mm” Stiles hums not really knowing what to say, all he can do now is picture Scott hard and that just makes him want to put out, he’s panting a little and chewing his lip trying to reign in his teenage hormones “Should we go?”

“Do you want to?”

“Not really but…”

“What?”

“I don’t see us managing to get back to friendly conversation now, I mean you have your wolf senses and stuff and I have my teenage boy hormones Scott” Stiles is breathing heavily his fight against his bodies reaction to Scott losing

“Yeah we should go” Scott swallows, eyes trailing the length of Stiles, their eyes lock. There’s a flurry of movement from them both, it’s hard to tell what’s going on other than lots of kissing and the noise of belt buckles being undone.

Scott pushes Stiles on to his back and unzips his fly in one fluid motion and starts palming Stiles over his boxers, Stiles is sure his brain has fried because he can’t do anything other than moan and move his hips up to get more friction from Scott’s hand.

Scott pulls away from the kiss for a second “Is this ok?”

“God yes”

“Stiles tell me how far you want to go, so I know” he can see the struggle on Scott’s face and can see the amount of restraint that even having this conversation is taking  

“I…” his brain is short circuiting “Not all the way, can we just…touch?” Scott nods in agreement, he stops and takes a few deep breaths, it looks like he’s internalising the information and then they’re connected again mouths moving together

Scott pulls Stiles boxers down a little and pulls him out holding Stiles full length in his hand

“Oh my god” Stiles groans, he’s going to come undone, half of the arousal is just knowing how much Scott wants him, Scott starts to trail kisses along his neck stopping at his ear, his voice low he rumbles in Stiles ear

“Do you like it?” his hand moving a little faster

“Mm”

“Tell me Stiles does it feel good, being pinned underneath me”

“Jesus Scott”

“Nope just Scott” a throaty laugh from Scott makes its way down Stiles spine

“…” Stiles opens his mouth to say something but all that comes out is air he’s so close

“Do you want to come Stiles?” not trusting himself to speak Stiles nods fervently “You look so good like this”

Stiles sees a flash of red and isn’t sure if he should be worried or not he’s just to wound up to care at this point

“Please Scott” he’s biting his lip so hard he thinks he’s going to break the skin

“I like that Stiles let me hear you beg for it” Scott has an evil look on his face

“Please Scott I’m so close” Scott’s hand starts to move faster, Stiles is now a blithering mess of the word please and Scott, he comes hard and turns into a pile of goo. 


	26. Chapter 26

Stiles has been unbelievably spaced out for the last few days and for once it’s all good stuff jamming up his brain. The date with Scott had been unbelievable if there was a time in his life when he was more aroused he certainly can’t remember it. The only thing that’s really starting to interrupt this bliss that he feels is his curiosity over the strange behaviour of the pack and Scott.

They didn’t have a conversation about how they were going to be in school, so he is surprised but not bothered by Scott’s affection in the halls. He kisses him, holds his hand and walks down the halls with his arm around him.  So he knows that the whole school now knows that they each dig dudes and that they are together.

The pack was not surprised at all he finds out but again it’s like they know something he doesn’t. He decided that instead of calling them outright on their strange behaviour he would instead observe and try to work out what was going on because he knew if he asked then he would get the same response he had gotten the first time, that he was imagining things and no they hadn’t been acting differently. He can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation, he thinks he might go insane waiting to find out what’s going on with the pack and their alpha.

He’s in one of these rare situations where he is almost alone, he’s sitting outside at the picnic tables waiting in the rest of the pack, he gets out before they do for lunch on a Thursday. Although he is aware that a member of the pack has taken it in turns to skip the last part of their class so that they can keep an eye on him, granted they do this from afar he’s not sure whether they know he knows. Today it’s Isaac, he’s fairly far away and somewhat concealed by some trees.

Stiles is sitting reading a book his therapist had recommended about PTSD he thought it would help him recognise more of the things that he was experiencing that he hadn’t put down to PTSD and try out new ways to cope with them. He’s been trying out things here and there some of them are working and some of them aren’t but either way the book is pretty interesting. He’s so engrossed that he doesn’t even notice a bunch of the football team walking his way until the book goes flying out of his hand. He looks up confused and irritated, not sure whether replying was a good move or not

“Hey Stillinski you dropped you book” Eric laughs and looks to his buddies that do the same

“Yeah pretty sure you knocked it out my hand but ok” he bends down to pick it up and is simultaneously surprised and not surprised by the way he is knocked down on to the ground

“What is your problem Eric” he’s never been friends with the football team but he’s never had issues, the different sports teams just didn’t really interact

“You are, you and your boyfriend nobody wants to see that shit” Stiles was prepared for the blow he saw it coming but was confused when it never landed he had scrunched his eyes closed. Opening them again to see what the delay was he saw Isaac had managed to grab Eric, push all of his buddies out of the way and now had him pinned against tree with his feet barely touching the ground.

The look of confusion on Eric and the rest of the teams’ face was priceless although Stiles was concerned that Isaac was going to wolf out. He jumped to his feet and quickly made his way over to them encountering no resistance from Eric’s buddies.

Isaac was breathing heavily and looked like he was decided whether to kill Eric or not

“Hey let me down freak” he tries to push Isaac off but it’s like trying to push down a brick wall, Isaac growls in response and Stiles knows he has to step in now

“Whoa hey Isaac it’s cool it’s all good” he places a hand on his pack members arm to let him know that he was here and ok. He looks to Stiles and back to Eric, he nods slightly in Stiles direction and then slams Eric in to the tree a bit

“If you come near him again you or any of your friends I’m going to break both of your arms” he lifts him higher to demonstrate the strength they don’t think he has, Eric pales is realisation that he could and would follow through

“Ok man let me down I’m sorry” Isaac throws him to the side and watches as Eric and the team scramble to get as far away from him as possible.

Isaac turns to Stiles and starts examining him for signs of injury he looks way more worried than he should be

“Are you ok Stiles did he hurt you?”

“Hey man I’m good you don’t have to look so worried”

Isaac bites his lip and continues to look worried anyway, then all of a sudden the strangest desire sweeps through Stiles to comfort Isaac and he pulls him into a hug, he’s met with a tight hug and he wonders why Isaac is so wound up over this. Isaac is the first to break the hug and then they both sit down on the bench

“I should have come over quicker I’m sorry I didn’t know that was going to happen”

“Don’t be stupid it’s not your job to protect me Isaac, I didn’t know that was going to happen either”

“Scott’s going to kill me” he murmurs but not so low that he doesn’t hear it

“What why would Scott be mad at you?”

“What?”

“You just said Scott’s going to kill me”

“No I didn’t”

“Yes you did” he laughs at the ridiculousness of this conversation

“Yes you did what?” they hear from behind them, Scott is standing with the rest of the pack and their lunches, he comes over and gives Stiles a quick peck then sits down next to him

“Oh uh well you see some of the guys from the football team were messing with Stiles” alpha and beta lock eyes instantly and Isaac seems ashamed

“And?” Scott is waiting for a report and he is being really scary right now

“I dealt with it”

Scott just continues to look at Isaac until he continues

“They knocked him to the ground before I could get over here” Scott’s eyes are red and he’s growling, Isaac’s are blue and he’s whining in submission, Stiles grabs Scott’ wrist which makes him look at him instantly

“Why are you mad at Isaac; he hasn’t done anything”

“Clearly” he growls

“I’m sorry Alpha”

“Hold on a minute don’t apologise Isaac I’m not some damsel that needs to be rescued it’s not Isaac’s job to protect me”

“YES IT IS” Scott bellows panting, Stiles eyes go wide he’s embarrassed to admit that he’s a little scared of Scott right now and he hopes it isn’t showing

“Why? Why is it his job Scott?” the fear is quickly being replaced with anger at how he’s being kept in the dark again, Scott looks at him and says nothing “You’ll tell me when the time is right, right?” Scott looks down embarrassed

“Whatever” Stiles stands up to leave and Isaac moves to follow “Don’t you dare Lahey” he storms off and is irritated to hear someone has followed him “Go away”

“Stiles slow down” It’s Lydia that’s followed him and he’s somewhat less annoyed, he stops so she can catch up and then they walk together towards the library

“Are you ok?” she asks knowingly

“I guess, I’m just mad you know he keeps telling me to wait and be patient that he’ll tell me when the time is right and I’ve waited and I’ve been patient meanwhile the whole pack knows, you know and I’m on the outside looking in” he stops for a second contemplating “Is it because I’m the only human, because I’m not really pack?” Stiles feels empty at the possible reality that this could be the case

“No Stiles it’s absolutely not that, you are pack” she looks at him reassuringly

“Then why won’t you tell me? Why won’t Scott tell me?”

Lydia looks torn “I’m absolutely not allowed to tell you Stiles, Scott would have my head” he shakes his head he knew she wouldn’t tell him and he’s really had enough for one day

“Ok, can you guys just leave me alone for a while I need some space.” He doesn’t wait for her reply just stalks off faster than she could keep up. He promised Scott that he would wait until Scott was ready to tell but he’s starting to wonder if that was an unrealistic promise. He wonders how much longer he can hold out like this.

 


	27. Chapter 27

Lydia is arguably the most beautiful girl in school, the smartest for sure (probably the smartest in town if not the country) and she always gave off a very deceptive air or sweetness. For people that didn’t know the terror she was capable of inspiring they would have no idea what the purposeful walk meant.

Scott unfortunately knew exactly what it meant, she was on a mission and the big bad alpha swallowed around the lump in his throat he knew he must have messed up bad if Lydia was mad at him.

She walks straight up to him and stops glaring for a moment “Everyone clear off I need to have a word with Scott”

The pack quickly exchange looks and then hurry off “Traitors” Scott mutters

“Would you like to know where Stiles is right now?” she folds her arms eyebrows raised

“Umm yes?” He does and he doesn’t because he’s sure the answer is going to make him feel like crap

“He’s in the library Scott on his way to the old history section” he can hear the spite in her voice hoping that he feels as crap as he does

“Shit” Since Stiles had started his therapy he’d found a safe space in the School that he could go to when he felt overwhelmed to the point of a panic attack or dissociating it was his disaster zone. He chose it because the smell of the old books calmed him and it was the quietest part of the whole school, his therapist thought it was a good idea.

“He thinks you’re not telling him because he’s the only human, because he thinks you don’t see him as pack” her voice is raised and he understands why she’s angry

“How do I fix this Lydia, it feels too soon to tell him but I think it’s pushing him away”

Her face softens and she knows that Scott feels like he’s between a rock and a hard place, he’s just trying to do the right thing

“Tell him Scott he will understand why you waited”

“What if it’s too much for him?” he rubs a hand over his face in worry

“You don’t see the way he looks at you, or hear the way he talks about you, the way he moves around you it’s like gravity Scott you’re his whole world” She smiles knowing what the two mean to each other, jealousy tinting her tone she wants what they have one day

“And how much of that is really him? How much of it is the bond?” he’s frustrated and it jumps to anger when he hears Lydia laughing

“Scott, it hasn’t just been since you turned Alpha, why do you think I always turned him down, anyone with eyes can see who his heart belongs to I was always a distraction Scott because he never let himself think for a second you two were something that could happen” She smiles, doesn’t say anything else and walks away to let him think on that, hoping that he’ll do the right thing.

His feet are taking him to the library before he’s consciously aware of it, he’s heading back to the old history section that no one uses anymore. He knows the further back in the rows he finds Stiles the less likely he is to talk to him, and he knows that if he’s in the last row then he’ll just have to leave him alone and talk to him later.

The last row is Stiles do not cross line, it’s his I’m really losing my shit row and anybody that comes near me is going to receive a nuclear response. He walks further back passing a few rows and he knows that he must be in the last one, he stops and sees Stiles crouched on the floor working his way through breathing exercises. All he wants to do is go over to him and make this better but he knows that it would be crossing a line, grudgingly he turns and walks away from Stiles hoping that he will be ok.

He pulls out his phone and shoots Stiles a text that they need to talk and that he should come find him when he’s ready.

Over the last week or two Stiles had been having a reaction, it was stupid really and he felt like an idiot after the moment had passed, his therapist had said it was a good sign that it meant he was really dealing with his emotions.

When something got into Stiles head instead of floating off in his head or falling into a panic attack like it usually would he was instead launching into bouts of rage. It was only a recent thing but the first time it happened he really freaked everyone out.

The pack were round at his house they were having some bonding time, everyone had been there even his dad and Mellissa. They were all having a great time chatting, laughing, making fun of each other Stiles had went to the kitchen to get some more chips when he heard a story on the TV about Eichen house.

If Stiles was honest he doesn’t remember what the story said, what it was about because even the name had triggered an onslaught of memories that he didn’t want. The place where he felt helpless, terrified, where he apparently lost his virginity it was one of those moments where he was present in his mind but not in control of his body, the nogitsune was messing with him.

That last thought was what did it really because Stiles did not want to examine what happened with Malia, he didn’t have the heart to tell her it hadn’t really been him there. It was one of the awful things that happened that he refused to even acknowledge because it was just too much.

He could feel his heart picking up speed and he thought for a second a panic attack was coming until he was completely blinded by rage, he was so unbelievably angry more than he had ever been in his life. It was terrifying he was acting on impulse trying to alleviate this pressure inside of himself.

Plates were thrown and smashed, he broke anything he could get his hands on and when he felt like he didn’t anything left to break he started punching the wall. Everything was white noise to him, he couldn’t hear anything over the blood rushing through his ears or his screams of rage.

It wasn’t until Scott had grabbed his hand to stop him doing more damage to himself that he even realised what had happened, he saw the concern and shock on everyone’s faces. His breathing had been coming out in ragged pants and he wanted to say something, anything to let them understand but nothing came out.

The softly spoken tones and pleas to let them know if he was ok or not or just for him to say anything had only annoyed him, if he had been able to open his mouth and speak he would have. So he wasn’t surprised when his dad called in an emergency appointment with the therapist for the next day.

It meant he was getting better apparently, he’d have to take the therapists word for it, but they’d spoken about what Stiles needed to do to get a handle on it. They’d settled on breathing techniques, silence and most importantly being left alone, the last one was vital.

So he was glad when he saw Scott approach the row he was in and then retreated, he couldn’t do this now he needed time to get himself under control. He didn’t want to lash out at the people he loved, that’s why he needed to do this part alone.

He hoped the bouts of rage wouldn’t last too much longer because he knew how worried it made the others when they knew they couldn’t approach him or help in any way.  When he was able to calm his breathing, he knew he could leave the library, he fired off a text to Scott and let him know that he would come around after school but needed to be left alone until then.


	28. Chapter 28

Stiles walks up the steps of the porch and takes a seat he knows Scott will come to him and this isn’t a conversation he wants to have inside. He only waits a second or two before the sound of the door lets him know Scott is coming, he takes a seat next to Stiles and waits Scott’s gotten really good at knowing when Stiles needs to get something off his chest.

“I think I’ve worked it out” he sucks in a breath and is about to continue when Scott is about to interrupt “Scott I know you’ve got something you want to say but I need to get this out is that ok?”

“Ok I’m sorry I won’t interrupt”

“Thanks” he smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes “I think I’ve worked out what the fits of rage are about” he laughs cynically “I guess I should say thanks because it was today that made me realise”

Scott nods his head even though he knows Stiles isn’t looking at him and he has a really bad feeling about where this is going

“This secret that you’ve got, the one that the whole pack knows about apart from me, I don’t have any control over it you know? I don’t get a say in when I find out or get a say in the way the pack have been treating me and it made things click for me. I don’t have any control, not over what happened to me and not when you’re ready to tell me your secret and I don’t want to be in this position Scott where I feel helpless and kept in the dark because I’ve already spent so long feeling that way and it doesn’t take me anywhere good”

“Stiles I…”

“Look I know this sounds like I’m breaking up with you but I’m not ok, it’s not fair and it’s not ok for me to tell you that you have to tell me or that I can’t be with you if you can’t, I’m not that person. But I just wanted to tell you that secrets have a cost Scott, I said I would wait and I will I just don’t know if you’re going to like the person that’s at the end of this path, it’s not taking me somewhere good”

“I’m sorry…”

“I know you are Scotty I just can’t keep secrets anymore ya know I have to be honest about how it’s affecting me if I don’t want to go back to the way I was, I think I need tomorrow and the weekend away from you and the pack to find a way to be ok with this until you’re ready to tell me and come Monday I hope I’ve found it” Stiles leans over and presses a light kiss to his cheek

“Will you let the pack know?” Stiles asks as he stands and starts to walk over to Roscoe, Scott nods his head feeling detached from himself he’s still trying to process as Stiles gets into jeep and drives off.

“What the hell just happened?” he asks himself feeling awful and confused all at once, it takes the whole of two minutes for Scott to realise that he’s messed up big time.

He sits for another few minutes thinking, Stiles has come such a long way since the panic attacks, the nightmares and the dissociation the last thing Scott wants to do is set him back.

Is he going to sit here feeling sorry for himself or is he going to get off his butt and go and make this right with his best friend, the love of his life, his mate.

There’s no questions and he’s off before he even knows what he’s going to do.


	29. Chapter 29

There’s a rapid knocking at the door and Noah thinks for a second that the intensity of it is going to knock the door of its hinges. He walks quickly wondering who it could be knocking with such urgency, he’s surprised when he opens the door and Scott is standing wet from the rain

“Everything ok Scott?”

“I need to talk to Stiles”

“I don’t know what this about Scott but he told me if any of the pack came to see him that he doesn’t want of see any of you, did something happen?”

“Everything’s ok I just need to talk to him and I’ll wait out here all night and all weekend until he sees me” Scott is panting and he knows it’s from nerves and not physical exertion. Noah can see the resolve in his eyes and he knows that Scott means it, the kid really will wait out here all night if it means Stiles will talk to him

“Wait here ok, I’ll see what I can do” he turns for the stairs “No wolf ears alright?”

“I’ll focus on something else” Scott nods his understanding

Noah knocks on Stiles door and enters when his son says it’s ok to “Hey kid”

“Hey dad what’s up?”

“Scott’s downstairs, he wants to talk to you”

Stiles sighs and shakes his head clearly irritated “Can you please tell him to go away I said I would see him on Monday”

“I already told him you didn’t want to see him but he says he’s going to sit out there all weekend until you go down and speak to him” Noah is immensely curious as to what’s going on and is only just managing to not ask

“Unbelievable” the irritation is quickly giving way to anger now and Stiles launches out of his chair to go and have words with his boyfriend, the two lock and eyes and before either of them can say a word Noah pushes past Scott knowing this will go better if he’s not around

“I’ll see you later tonight kid I have some paperwork to finish up at the station” and with that Noah is gone leaving the two boys staring at each other.

“You lasted the whole of twenty minutes seriously Scott this is unbelievable I asked for …”

“Shut up Stiles you got to say what you needed to and I never said a word so close that pretty mouth of yours for five minutes so I can say what I need to and if you want me to go after that I will” he’s off to a great start he thinks sarcastically why did that come out so aggressive? Stiles is clearly surprised at the tone and the urgent look on Scott’s face

“Fine, five minutes, talk” he folds his arms and leans against the door frame waiting for Scott to speak

“Thanks um ok” he’s floundering he really thought he would get here and the perfect little speech would pop into his head, he’s gathering his thoughts

“Did you actually have something you wanted to say Scott or did you just come here to prove you could get me to talk to you?” Stiles looks at him anger evident on his face and this spurs Scott on

“Yeah, yeah I do have something to say I love you Stiles Stilinski. I love you more than any person has ever loved another person and I know that’s not possible and it doesn’t make sense but when I look at you that’s all I can think, how is it possible to love someone this much? I love you so much that I didn’t want to tell you that I finally figured out why I’ve been so weird with you and why it’s been worse since I became Alpha and worse since we started dating.” He stops and take in a breath he notices Stiles push off the door frame realising he’s about to find out what’s been going on

“We’re connected Stiles you and me, we’re bonded and the reason I’ve been getting weirder is because the bond has been growing and it only settles down when we consummate the bond. I didn’t want you to feel like you had no choice, like you had no control over whether you were with me or not, I didn’t want to put this on you. I didn’t want to tell you that we’re mates because I didn’t want to freak you out, because it changes so many things. I just wanted to give you time and I’m sorry that it made you feel all the crap you’ve been feeling but I just wanted you to feel like you were in charge of this and not some mystical werewolf bond and I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared it would be too much for you and we would be finished because I don’t know how I live my life without you by my side Stiles you’re everything to me” Scott sucks in a few breaths and doesn’t really know what to do now that he’s said his piece, Stiles is still stood with his arms crossed and he has this look on his face that Scott can’t place

“I’m done ok, do you want me to go?”

“You are the biggest idiot I have ever met Scott and that’s really saying something considering the kids that go to our school”

“Wait what?”

“You’re stupid as in you are lacking intelligence, I mean it’s really a good thing you’re so pretty cause by god Scotty you are going to need that in life to get your dumb ass anywhere”

“Did I drop acid? Are we having the same conversation anymore?”

“Yes, I just can’t fathom in what universe you ever thought that this would change how I felt about you or how you thought you were ever getting rid of me. I mean it’s actually a little sweet the whole giving me choice thing I like that you get that’s a thing for me” he smiles genuinely before he continues “But there was never really a choice was there? Every choice, every wrong path and every right one led us here, honestly this is where we were headed with or without the whole Scott turns into a werewolf bit”

“It was?”

“See what I mean, pretty but dumb” he smirks as he grabs Scott by the waist “Yeah we were always headed here, bond or no bond Scott I’ve always been yours”

Scott presses his forehead against Stiles and his breath stutters, he never imagined it would go this well, he wraps his arms around Stiles hips “Thank you”

“For what Scotty?”

“For being you”

“So…what was that bit about consummating the bond?” they both laugh

“Why is that the only part you have questions about?”

“It’s not…but it’s definitely the most important” Stiles starts tugging him inside

“Yeah I guess your right” Scott kicks the door closed.

 


	30. Chapter 30

Making love with Scott was unlike anything Stiles had ever felt before, he really didn’t know it was possible to be that turned on. There were times when Stiles was sure he was about to die because he was sure he was seeing god. It wasn’t like what he’d seen in the movies, it wasn’t serious and things didn’t just happen naturally, there was lots of shuffling about and checks in to see if the other was ok, there was laughter and smiles. It was comfortable though, being with Scott always was and once they got into the rhythm of it everything just seemed to click.

They had been at it for a while now and had finally run out of steam, although Stiles was sure Scott could’ve went another round or two.

So here they were wrapped up in each other’s arms, not thinking just breathing and being here. Stiles laughed as he realised that this is what it felt like to be content, to feel right with the world and it wasn’t the sex not really, it was the intimacy that came with that. It was allowing himself to be vulnerable with Scott, to not hold anything back, it was letting every part of him be seen without the fear of rejection.

“Hey Scott?”

“Yeah”

“I love you” Stiles looks up from Scott’s chest as he says it and is glad he did because the responding smile lights up his day

“Not as much as I love you Stiles” and Scott kisses him on the forehead and squeezes him just a little bit tighter.

They lay there for what feels like hours not wanting to break the spell, but as soon as Scott’s stomach starts rumbling they start shuffling to get dressed and go downstairs for food.

It just seems so mundane getting food after what had just happened, they had connected completely and Stiles knew if anyone asked it would sound so cliched, but he felt different, like really different.

“Why don’t you sit down I’ll bring us over some snacks?” Scott offered and Stiles was just so tired that he didn’t argue, he started walking to the sofa when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and noticed a bite mark between his neck and shoulder.

“What the hell?” he muttered, he’s pretty sure he would have remembered Scott biting him hard enough to draw blood and the longer he stares at it something is coming back to him he doesn’t remember it hurting though, he’s pretty sure that’s what tipped him over the edge the first time.

He runs his hand over it once or twice checking for any tenderness but finds none, he can feel the little ridges where it’s started to heal over so he decides not to worry about it. Scott plops down on the sofa next to Stiles and they start to dig into the snacks, Scott just seems to be wolfing them down at an alarming rate for a human but not for an alpha werewolf.

“Hey Scott?”

“Yeah?”

“I feel different”

“That’s a nice ego boost for me” Scott waggles his eyebrows at Stiles and ducks out of the way of the cushion headed his way

“Jackass” Stiles laughs “Hmm maybe it’s just me then”

“No, I know what you mean I feel… I don’t know just…”

“Different?” Stiles supplies

“Yeah” Neither of them can quite put their fingers on what it is that feels different exactly just that somethings not quite the same as it was before.

“Do you think it’s to do with what you said?”  Stiles only just remembers this and clearly Scott as well as he tips his head to the side in thought

“Yeah probably it makes sense…” he pauses for a second and then looks as if he’s just realised something “Oh crap did I bite you Stiles?” he leans over to look for the bite

“Yeah you did but it’s good it doesn’t hurt or anything” Scott smiles sheepishly at him and is now feeling along his neck and isn’t surprised to feel his own bite mark Stiles can see it as Scott’s shirt is moved to the side

“I don’t remember doing that” Stiles laughs not feeling guilty at all “Shouldn’t that have healed by now?”

“No it’ll scar but it won’t go away, mating bites don’t go away”

“You are seriously going to need to explain all of this to me Scott”

“I don’t really understand a lot of it myself to be honest but I’ll do my best”

They spend the rest of the afternoon talking about what this means and the significance of it all and by the end of the day they are both exhausted and just need some space to digest.


	31. Chapter 31

Stiles had endured a bad night, to be fair it wasn’t one of the worst he had ever experienced but it still wasn’t great. He’d been having a nightmare and when he woke he had sat heaving loudly into the silence of his room for a while.

Stiles sat at the dinner table sipping on his coffee and feeling tired but also aware that he could be feeling a lot worse, he needed to give himself a break with how well he was getting on.

He looks up as he hears the front door open and a set of keys hit the bowl, Noah is surprised to see Stiles up before dawn

“Hey kid you ok?”

“Bad dream, but I got a good sleep so can’t complain” Stiles smiled at his dad reassuringly 

“Well you can if you want” his dad laughed back

“Nah I’m good, how come you ended up staying out all night?”

“Oh well I did originally intend to get of the house to let you and Scott have it out but once I got to the station it all kicked off, they would have had to call me in anyway” and Noah knows that Stiles ever curious teen that he is will have to ask

 “Oh, ok well be safe, I’m going to go get ready for school” and Stiles drops a hand on to his dad’s shoulder as he passes leaving behind a very perplexed Noah

“Huh well that was weird” he says to himself and knows he’ll spend the rest of the day waiting for the other shoe to drop

 

Stiles comes downstairs an hour or so later looking refreshed and in a pleasant mood, he’d spent quite some time thinking as he got himself ready and he was just feeling particularly reflective today.

He threw his bag over his shoulder and grabbed his keys from the bowl and just as he was about to leave the urge to say something to his dad came over him. He wandered into the room where his dad was sat on the sofa with a mug of tea in one hand and a paper in the other.

“Hey dad?” at this Noah turns around to look at Stiles putting his paper down as he does

“You leaving son”

“Yeah just about to” he hesitates still trying to form what he wants to say

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah everything is great” He grins “Well not great but you know”

“Are you sure?” Noah is confused and concerned now Stiles clearly has something on his mind

“Yeah I just…” he takes a breath “I just spent a lot of time thinking this morning and I just umm…” he wasn’t sure why this was so hard it was his dad for crying out loud, he clears his throat and tries again

“I just wanted to say thank you dad, these last few weeks, well months I guess have been really tough and I really didn’t know if I was going to make it through them or not and I know I cause 85% of your stress” he pauses and laughs at this “but I just wanted to say thanks for following my lead and pushing me in the right direction when I couldn’t see straight and I appreciate that” he comes to a gentle stop and can see that his dad is choked up.

Noah stands and quickly envelopes Stiles in a hug and his voice strained with emotion he manages to get out “Anything for you, always”

“I love you”

“Ditto”

 

Stiles feels on a high going through the rest of his day after his conversation with his dad, he thinks the rest of the pack notice it as well and come the end of the school day they are all heading to the preserve to enjoy the sunshine for what’s left of their day.

Scott walks with his arm draped around Stiles while the rest of the pack are further ahead and yelling animatedly about some movie they watched. They finally reach an area where the sun is shining but there is still some shade provided by the trees.

The pack begins unpacking blankets and snacks from god knows where and Stiles plonks himself down under a tree for some shade

“You ok?” Scott asks sitting himself down next to Stiles

“Yeah just feeling kind of tired, I was up pretty early”

“Is everything all right?” Stiles thought it was cute when Scott’s eyebrows scrunched up in concern like that

“Yeah I just had a bad dream was all, still I slept for more than 6 hours so I’m counting that as a victory” he pumps his fist in the air and Scott laughs with him.

The pack are all moving about and setting things up and as Stiles watches them he can’t help thinking about the future, he hopes that they all find happiness whatever that means to them he loves each and every one of his pack members with an intensity that it surprises him.

He looks at Scott and sees the sun dancing over his face in between the shade of the branches. He can’t stop the grin that spreads over his face thinking about his future with his best friend.

In his mind’s eye he can see them helping each other with college applications, looking at apartments together, spending the holidays together. He can see them coming up against more supernatural creatures that anyone person should ever have to deal with but they get through it because they are together and surrounded by pack.

He can see images of a cheesy romantic proposal and a small intimate wedding with proud parents and rowdy pack members, and not too far off from that their own kids and being dads together.

There’s no way for him to know that’s what his future will be but he knows that no matter how dark it gets or how amazingly awesome it gets he’ll have people in his corner and the love of his life by his side.

“Hey daydreamer you ok?” Scott nudges him and presses a kiss to his forehead

“Yeah” he smiles genuinely “I think I am” and for the first time in a long time he means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so sorry it took me so long to finally get this finished I just fell out of the zone and I really had to force myself to get this done. I hope the ending isn't disappointing and I hope you enjoyed the story! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading :)


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